You Were Only Playing Pretend

selective focus photography of woman and man about to kiss
Ashley Schulze / Unsplash

I know that it wasn’t all perfect. That me and you, us, we, it took a little bit of time to figure it out. But once we did, it was like a breath of fresh air.

It was like all of the sudden, something inside of me changed for the better. And I was so happy. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t carrying around this empty weight inside of my chest.

I had so much faith in you. So much was riding on what was happening with whatever we were making together, that I forgot one important thing.

I forgot to not lose myself in you. Because that’s just what I did. Without even realizing it, I gave you parts of myself that I didn’t know I had to give.

And while I was giving you all of these things, watching you take them, watching you break me down bit by bit, I saw something else inside of you.

I saw you for who you really were and not just who you were pretending to be.

Call it what you want but the truth is, you were just a coward. You wanted me to need you. And for a little while I played along and I nearly convinced myself that I did.

Until that one moment when I didn’t.

And I want to say that I forgive you, but I would be lying. I want to tell you that I have enough strength to let you go. But what you did, staying and then not. All the stopping and starting, that’s what you do to someone you love.

So, maybe I was too much for you. Too driven, too focused, maybe my heart was just beating a little too loudly for you.

Whatever the reason, not that it matters now, I can’t undo what you did and I can’t take back the things that you stole. But what I can do is leave you and stay gone.

Now that I can see you, the real you, all I see is someone who’s never been real. You are just layer upon layer of different pieces, not a single one of them honest.

I don’t wish you the best. But I do hope that one day, you can find out who you really are. Because from where I’m standing, I don’t know if you ever will.

But that’s your fault and not mine. My only hope for you is that the next you to come so close to making someone believe you love them, that you actually do. TC mark

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