I’m Not The Girl You’re Looking For

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George Gvasalia / Unsplash

Love is complicated. Falling in love is supposed to take time and effort. It’s about two people deciding that it’s worth it. To finally take a chance. But maybe, the real problem is not falling into love, but it’s falling out of it.

We break up for all kinds of reasons. Even when everything seems great from the outside looking in. Sometimes, wanting to be there is not enough.

The real and honest truth about it is that I didn’t even blink when I fell for you. It was like falling asleep. I didn’t notice that it happened until it did. And I thought that it was going to last. For the first time, I thought that I was doing something right.

That I found the one I’ve been looking for. And I did. You were everything I wanted. For a little while.

But then out of nowhere, out of the blue, something changed. I don’t know how to put my finger on it, but when I looked at you, it wasn’t like looking at you. I was looking through you, searching for something that you could never give me. Something I didn’t even know I was looking for.

I want you to know that it was nothing that you did. It was nothing that you said, nothing you could have done better. You were amazing. You are amazing and you’re going to that same way for someone else.

The only problem is, it’s not me. I’m not the girl you thought I was. And even though I gave you my heart, the truth is, now I want it back.

I know that it’s selfish of me, but I know it would be worse to keep leading you on. To try and force me to be with you. You deserve more than that.

I guess, what I really want you to know, is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I wasted your time. I’m sorry if you were all the way in because I know how it feels to be on the other side of that. I know how it feels be the only one left out.

You were so important to me, and you still are. I don’t expect you to forgive me anytime soon. And I don’t expect you to understand. Just know that no matter what, it was worth it. At least for me. You taught me a lot, and you weren’t just a placeholder or a lesson. You meant more to me than most.

Just because it didn’t end the way it was supposed too, doesn’t mean it was all for nothing. I want you to have the very best life. And I hope that when all is said and done, you can accept this for what it is.

I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be. And sometimes, that has to be enough of a reason. TC mark

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