The Truth Is, You Let Go First

Monique Avila

I never thought I would have to say goodbye to you. Not really. Not all the way. There was also something in the back of my mind. Some little voice telling me that even though I thought I could let go, if you ever came back to me, I would welcome you with open arms.

Because when it all comes down to it, you were my first. You were my first real friend, my first love, the first person I ever opened up to.

I would be lying if I said that I don’t think of you from time to time, when I am alone. Or even when I think of the moments that I was the happiest. Because you were always there. Right beside me. 

And then life happened. The way that it always does and I don’t think either one of us was ready for anything like it. We both changed. We’re not the same kids we were when we fell in love. You’re not that guy and I’m not that girl but I still thought that we would find our way back to one another. That we would still have that love that was almost perfect.

It just took me a little while to understand that it was you that gave up, not me.

I fought like hell to keep you. I tried to convince you that we could be those people again. That I was good enough now and so were you but you weren’t interested. 

Just know that when I think of you, I only have the deepest love. You have all the best parts of me, but now I have to be willing to let it be.

You made your choice and it wasn’t me and for that, I can’t really blame you.

Just know that I would have stayed. I would have grabbed hold of your hand and never let go. But as it happens, it’s not always enough and this is no different.

I wanted you forever, but you changed your mind. And that will stay with me forever. TC mark

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