I don’t know why I was so convinced that you were going to be different for me. Maybe it’s because, with you, I had hope. Maybe it was because, for a while, I thought that the harder I fought, the more you would understand.
That I never had any intention of hurting you. All I wanted to do with you was care. I wanted to show you what it could have been like. What it feels like to find the right person, at the right time.
I wanted it to be good for us. And the more I thought about you, the more I thought that I could be the one to change you.
I know now that whatever it was I was trying to give to you, you never really wanted. Even though my heart hurt for you, and with a certain kind of want for you, I knew deep down that you were only going to be a lesson.
And that’s what you were. A lesson on how to let go.
I won’t say that it was all for nothing, because at least when I look back on all the damage you caused, I know that it wasn’t all for nothing. You taught me that most of the time, it takes more courage to let go of something bitter than it does to wait around for someone to change.
I spent all this time just waiting for you to want to be with me. I hung on your every word. I waited for you to be honest with me, but all you were doing was slowly steering me in the wrong direction.
I know now that our hearts were never in the same place. That I would always want you more. That I would always be all the way in, while you were barely touching the surface.
Whatever happens now, I know that it’s because of you that I learned how to be just a little more careful with my heart.
But most importantly, you taught me how much better it feels to live and let live.
You showed me how important it is to just walk away.