It Has Taken So Much Courage To Let You Go

I wasn’t planning on falling for you as hard as I did. I thought that no matter what I felt about you, no matter how much I cared, it would just go away.

If I gave it enough time. If I tried to stay away from you. To not smile every time I saw you or when you said my name. I thought I was doing a good job at protecting my heart.

But whatever I thought, no matter how hard I tried to fight it off, you were standing right there, knowing what you were doing.

You were making me believe in something that you had zero stakes in.

So yeah, maybe I should have known better. Maybe I should have listened to that little voice inside my head telling me that men like you don’t change. No matter how good I was to you or for you, you were going to use me and then throw me away.

And that’s exactly what you did. 

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t hate you for what you did and the way you did it.

But one very important thing you need to remember is this. 

Yes, I might have loved you with a native heart. I might have jumped into something I knew was doomed to fail. But you should have been a better man.

You should have had the courage to let me down with the truth, rather than carry on a lie. 

I don’t know what I did to make you treat me like nothing. But I do know that when I look at you, all I see is you for exactly who you are. Someone who’s so broken, who hates himself so much, that it doesn’t matter what he does to other people.

Not even the ones who want to care. Who wants to love him despite all his flaws.

Sometimes, I think about what would have happened if you would have just cared a little more. But then I don’t really know if you’re capable of doing even that.

Just know that it takes courage to let someone go. But it takes even more courage to understand that no matter how much you put into something, you can’t pull something out of an empty box. 

And that’s what I’m doing.

I’m walking away because finally, fully and completely I’m done blaming myself for falling like a fool. Now, I’m blaming you for not being decent enough to catch me.