Sorry But I’m Not Your Backup Plan

Black and white shot of attractive young woman with dark hair in jumper
Patrick Fore / Unsplash

Maybe I should have known better. Maybe I should have kept my distance, kept away from you long enough to be smart about all this. 

But you kind of swept me off my feet. I wasn’t expecting you to mean so much. I wasn’t expecting my heart to want you to stick around. But sometimes, we don’t always have a choice when it comes to these things. 

Matters of the heart. 

And this time, you got the best of me. 

You played me. 

And for that, just know that I can’t forgive you. I can move on sure, but forgiveness, that’s asking too much and we both know it. 

For a really long time, I would have done anything for you. I would have said how high when you asked me to jump. I was so wrapped up in you. 

And for whatever reason, I let myself fall into you. 

And fall for you. 

So wrapped up that I forgot myself. And I lost who I was, the women I’ve grown into. Just for a moment. Because you gave me a little something that I forgot I had all along.

You gave me a little faith. 

But then you took it all away. I was ready to jump. 

And all you were there to do was watch me fall. 

So, just so you know. 

I deserved a lot more than that. 

I deserved honesty. 

I deserved respect. 

I deserve more than this and more than you. 

And I thought for one single second that maybe you weren’t like the rest. That maybe taking a chance on a guy like you would be good. 

For once, I wasn’t expecting to get hurt. You were supposed to be different. 

But just in case you forgot, there’s one thing that you can never take away from me. No matter what you do, no matter how many times you keep me waiting. 

You can’t break me. 

I might be broken now, but that’s only temporary. Kind of like you. 

And soon, after some time has passed, you’re going to look back and you’re going to regret it. All of this, it’s going to haunt you. 

So, I’m not going to waste anymore time on you.

I’m not going to call. I’m not going to check up on you. Even though there are some days when I can’t stop myself from thinking of you. 

I hope that she really is the love of your life. I hope that when you finally get her back, I hope that she breaks your heart. 

Because you were never a choice for me. I never made you second best. I never let anyone come up and take your place. 

But for you, that’s all I was. 

A body to lay next to. 

When it comes down to it, I can see now that I was just your back up. 

I want to say that I wish you the best. But I don’t. 

I want to say that what you did, the way that you treated me, that I can just brush it off. But I can’t. 

I’m not that cold. Not like you. 

I don’t know if you knew this or not, but I have feelings too. Feeling that I thought were going to be returned. 

It just took a little time for me to know that you were just a little boy. And not a man at all. 

So, when I say that you screwed me, I’m not lying. But more importantly, when I say that I should have known better, I mean that too. 

I don’t know what happens next. 

I don’t know when I’m going to finally forget you. But sometime soon, I know that I’ll pick myself back up.

And that when I think of you again, you’re going to be a faded memory. 

In the end, I really do want to thank you. For reminding exactly who I am, and not who you made me out to be. 

I’m not a stepping stone. I’m the end game. TC mark

More From Thought Catalog