Eventually, My Heart Will Stop Mentioning Your Name

Riki Ramdani / Unsplash

You love someone and you want them to love you back. And for a while, they do. But then, for some reason, it all falls apart. And in turn, so do we. 

More often than not, it has nothing to do with timing, even though we all use that as an excuse. It mostly has to do with one heart not wanting something the other one wants. And there’s no fixing that.

And that’s what you did to me.You made me the weaker one, the smaller one. You turned me into everything that I never wanted to be. The girl who had to keep begging. The girl who walked around and waited and waited for you.

I am so much better than that. It just took a little time for me to realize it. And it took a little more time for me to understand that just because you didn’t want to love me back does not mean that I deserve to feel like I’m nothing.

But I want you to know one very important thing. One day, my heart is going to stop needing you. In fact, one day my heart might even stop wanting you, which is more important than anything. Because it’s about so much more than moving on, than finding something better, than learning to love yourself. 

What it’s really about is giving your heart enough to recover. And that’s what I’ve been trying to do and will continue to do.

I don’t want to be your friend, I don’t want you to tell me how you’re doing. Not because it would hurt too much but because by the time my heart has given up on the idea of you, so will I.

I’m not going to want to make sure that you’re doing ok because I already gave you my kindness. I know it’s not going to happen overnight, and I know that it’s going to take some time to get you out of my system. Mostly because I thought those imprints that you left were going to stay. When I thought about you, I only thought about forever.

However long it takes, I know that when it does happen, when I don’t grow weak at the knees from the sound of your voice or the way that you smile when you think that no one can see you, I know that it will all be for the best.

Because I know deep down that no matter what you do, you’ll always be searching for me in someone else. And you’re never going to find that one thing that you crave.

You could have had it all and now you have nothing. But you know something, for the first time, I don’t feel sorry for you. I just want you to remember that when I walked away, you lost it all. 

So now, that’s all that I have to leave you with. And sometime soon, it’s going to be the one thing that you wish you could forget. TC mark

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