Trump’s Pick For Secretary Of Agriculture Believes ‘Prayer’ Is A Viable Drought Policy

Sonny Perdue, current Secretary of Agriculture and former Secretary of Georgia, is the epitome of a morally sound and completely self-uninterested individual. He is a paragon of rational thinking and I believe that we can all can all confidently say that he is the ONLY viable guardian for the agriculture of our God-given country. Perdue has consistently made efforts to keep agricultural jobs out of the hands of illegal immigrants and into the hands of normal citizens. Like the time in 2006 when his stringent immigration laws lead thousands of immigrants to flee Georgia. Yes, $140 million worth of crops withered and died because of this, but hey, you win some you lose some. And who can forget that time in 2007 when Prince Perdue faced the worst drought Georgia had seen since 1935, the drought that the Climate Prediction Center called “The Drought of the Century.”

Lesser men would have put contingency plans into place or tried to diplomatically source water from the dams of other states. Not Perdue! Perdue gathered several hundred people at the Georgia state capital building and prayed to the Good Lord who provided us this sacred land for a surplus of rain. I can already here the liberals crying about the separation of church and state, but guess what? It worked. BAM! You just got Perdued!

What’s Perdue’s position on climate change? He was one of the most outspoken critics of the cuckservative George W. Bush’s Clean Air Act. He also sued the absolutely superfluous EPA to block environmental regulations on oxygenated gasoline. And if you haven’t been convinced of this man’s superior intellect yet, be prepared to be blown away with Perdue said when directly addressing climate change:

“Snowstorms, hurricanes, and tornadoes have been around since the beginning of time, but now they want us to accept that all of it is the result of climate change. It’s become a running joke among the public, and liberals have lost all credibility when it comes to climate science because their arguments have become so ridiculous and so obviously disconnected from reality.”

Perdue strikes again!

Sonny Perdue has a great reverence towards the history of our destined land, which manifested itself in 2008 in the form of a month dedicated entirely to the remembrance and reverence of the great Confederate Army. Move over Black History Month, because Georgia’s “Confederate History Month” is here to stay! In signing Confederate History Month into legislation Perdue even included the African-Americans in the celebration! “Among those who served the Confederacy were many African-Americans, both free and slave, who saw action in the Confederate armed forces in many combat roles.” This is a very strong argument for the integration of Confederate — We’ll Get Em’ Next Time — Month, as it shows that appreciating the Civil War Confederates is not at all racist because a movement can’t possibly be racist if there were, like, three free black people supporting it.

Perdue is probably the most selfless and generous man since Jesus Christ. He refused to put his assets into a blind trust upon his election as governor, a move that required great bravery on his part, for if he HAD used a blind trust, the liberal government would have probably found a way to steal his assets from under his nose and used it to fund anti-American programs such as social welfare and Planned Parenthood. His tourist program “Go Fish Georgia,” which Perdue had convinced legislatures to pour $19 million dollars into, to this day, has only operated at a loss of $12 million dollars! The Go Fish Education Center is also, totally coincidentally, located right down the street from Perdue’s house, so he can selflessly pay the center a visit at any time. And who can forget the time that the man signed a law just before filing his taxes that allowed him to defer over $100,000 in taxes for land that he had sold. He probably gave that money to charity! As well as the money he accumulated when the value of the 101 acres of land he had purchased in 2003 doubled following his failure to disclose his ownership of said land when the state of Georgia had serendipitously decided to not buy the 20,000 acres adjacent to it. Truly a saint.

Also, he looks like Kevin Malone from “The Office.”