Latest Posts

Course Offerings At The School Of Gentle-Knocks

The School of Hard Knocks receives a lion’s share of publicity for storied alumni such as rapper Jay-Z, Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton, and author Maya Angelou. Let’s not forget, though, that the School of Gentle Knocks has produced accomplished graduates such as Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Spencer Pratt, and Charlie Sheen (who later returned for his MHK at Hard Knocks).

How To Survive Your Five-Year High School Reunion

Also guys, go bald young if you can. It’s a little awkward when you’re nineteen, but it saves you a lot of grief in your twenties and thirties. Show up well-groomed, well-dressed, and well-adjusted (as much as you can), looking and feeling like the best version of yourself.

A Perfect Circle: How Pizza Can Save Our Country

In these turbulent times, we Americans need a unifying force to guide our country into the future. We’ve tried Democrats. We’ve experimented with Republicans. We need a new solution. Something drastic. For the challenges of today’s society, I propose we turn to pizza.

Insane Things I’ve Said To Women

Ladies. Please, stop throwing your panties at your computer screens. I don’t mean to be this sexy; it just happens. Even though I’m not a vegetarian, I have a lot of admiration for their kind. To stop eating meat, you are probably either ethical or health-conscious, both of which are appealing traits.

I Have The Worst Bucket List

As a writer and performer, I’d like to have something I actually prepared make it to air. Or at the very least, something extemporaneous but clever. So far, my contribution to recorded history is: “I had no idea the guy next door was making explosives in his mom’s apartment.”

Lies Popular Songs Have Told Me

Know this about me: I trust Tom Petty in all important life matters. It is because of Tom Petty that I don’t live like a refugee and am able to tell people not to “do me like that” (take that as you will). For years, I thought that maybe the waiting was the hardest part. Years of careful research have shown me, however, that it is not.

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