We can’t continue to have two young Oscar-winning actresses with slightly divergent personalities running amok in Hollywood.
I knew I either had to find a solution or drop an ATM on my head, so I created Fantasy Breaking Bad, a way to argue and obsess over television’s most compelling drama until it comes back in 10 months.
Don’t forget: Retro is cool. You can gain major hipness points for proposing corsets as a throwback fall fashion or suggesting Proust as a beach read.
There’s one other dude there who’s super into knives but too shy to say it in front of his gun-toting cohorts. You guys get to talking and become life long best friends.
Goodnight laptop. Goodnight meth.
Goodnight Cormac McCarthy and Zadie Smith.
In the future, people will get wise and put the instructions to the dances right in the songs. Your grandchildren will have no trouble learning the Humpty Hump or the Cha-Cha Slide.
Teenagers on the train are the worst. They somehow raise every venue to high school cafeteria volume within seconds. I vote we do away with them.
If you’re worried about rising gas prices, take public transportation. A train or bus is like a workout room on wheels with all its opportunities for pull-ups, pushups, and resistance running. Go ahead and cancel that expensive gym membership. Choo choo! Next stop, savings!
A realistic Hulk story would involve Dr. Banner suing his employer for medical costs and then living off of the workman’s comp, drinking at local bars, and goading cocky townies into fights.
Also, there’s breakfast.