Thought Catalog

I Know Your Heart Is Broken But Here’s What You Should Consider When A Relationship Ends

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Averie Woodward

Getting out of a relationship sucks especially when you really loved the person. Breakups are awful — especially when you realize that you won’t be talking to each other, you won’t be seeing each other, you won’t be with them all the time. Being sad all the time because of break ups is goddamn awful and it’s the one thing that won’t leave you.

I used to be a sentimental person. When someone left I used to feel despair. I used to see myself sitting in a deep dark pit, screaming “Help me” even when there was no one to help me. I used to be a melancholic person until I asked, “why am was so crushed?” Why don’t I try to make myself happy? Then I stood up for myself. I cured myself. I found my happiness. I found you.

I can still remember how beautiful you were to me, I can still remember how blind I was to you. I can see all of those insignificant details; but you didn’t saw what I saw in you. I can still remember when I looked at you; I can see the whole universe within you. I knew that what I was feeling was real. I can remember the first day I saw you. I can still remember those days I felt the real happiness, the butterflies in my stomach, the day I enamored you, the day I fell in love with you. I can still remember those words that we use to say to each other, our inside jokes.

Then things started to change. We were both growing but, at the time, I didn’t realize we were growing apart.

But then I realized,

That sometimes you have to give up the person, not because you don’t love him. It’s because people do change, people don’t stay what they were forever. People grow and sometimes when they grow they grow apart. You’ll find out what you want. They’ll find out what they want, and then you’ll realize that the people that you knew for a long time don’t see the things in the same way. But you see yourself with those wonderful memories, nothing to do but to move on.

Then I also realized,

That when a person truly loves you the most, you can see it in their eyes, you can see it within their actions, you can see it in how they treat you, and you can see it in everything from trivial details down to big things. Because when a person truly loves you, they’ll do everything to keep you. Even lower their standards, pride, ego, everything. You’ll feel it. You don’t have to settle for less, you don’t have to settle for the love that you don’t deserve. You don’t have to beg for them to stay.

You can give as many chances as you want, you can forgive them as much as you want, but you need to step back and reflect yourself. Is this even right thing to do? Is this wrong? Do I still love him/her? Or maybe it is the memories that make me want to come back to him/her?

Lastly, I realized,

That I won’t be a person who plays with the feelings of those others no matter how hurt I am after a breakup. Just because I am shattered, it doesn’t mean that I will play with somebody else. It doesn’t work like that. In this world, the best thing you can do is try to be a better person, to get successful by yourself; and make them wonder, and ask themselves “Why?”

Please consider,

The things that they’ve done for you. Especially, if they were trying their best. Do your best too, don’t be selfish.

The things that they are doing just to make you stick around. Don’t let them dive into self-doubt while they are babysitting your fragile ego.

The limits, every person has a breaking point. Consider this, because if you keep on pushing a person to its limits? Under any given circumstances; they will snap, and believe me. They won’t even bother to care, after that.

The efforts that they are making. Make an effort yourself, even if it’s simple or inelegant, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the effort.

The criticisms they made were because they want you to be better. Don’t reject the thought of “Criticism is equal to self-improvement”. Have a growth mindset.

Also, consider the fact that they are human too, they can feel emotion, they can feel pain, struggles, frustrations. Don’t make it too hard for them, don’t make them feel puny, don’t be the person that always receives but never gives. Please consider that they are human too, that they can feel everything that you can feel.

Don’t hold back yourself, give all your best, try your best because, if you don’t give it all you got, you’re only cheating yourself. Don’t be selfish, seize the moment. When things aren’t working as they were before, step back and reflect. Don’t give up, because, for me, those are the words to live by. TC mark

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