Your Dealbreakers Will Be The Death Of You

Ed Yourdon
Ed Yourdon

Everyone has them. That one thing that about a person that you just can’t get past. That tipping point in a relationship where you think, “Oh my God, why am I still dating this person?”

I’m talking about those people you start dating and then a couple weeks in, you really question your own judgment and possibly your drinking habits. Maybe it’s a personality glitch that you don’t see at first, or maybe you see it right away and decide to bypass it. Whatever it is – you are aware of it and It. Is. Over.

To be completely transparent, here is a (moderately) short list of reasons why I have stopped seeing guys in the past year:

His go to karaoke song was Don’t Stop Believing by Journey.
He was crying naked in my bed when I got home from work.
He kept sending me texts that were meant for his mom.
His favorite book was from his 9th grade curriculum.
He had no idea who Drake was.
He would only order milk when we went out to dinner.
He thought he was funnier than I am.

And you know what. All of these things don’t mean shit. I didn’t end relationships with guys solely based on any of these things (except for the naked guy in my bed… seriously, what the hell, man). In all honesty, most deal breakers can be overlooked by other qualities – that is, if you care to look. And everybody does this.

The amount of times you hear people reason away their own reasoning is astounding. “We have so much fun together that I almost forgot his entire room is filled with cowboy action figures.” Or, “My attraction to her was so powerful that I don’t mind that she thought RuPaul was running for president.”

Another example; My roommate once said that she would never date a guy without a beard. For her, being clean shaven is a deal breaker. But, sure enough she finds guys that she likes despite their naked faces.

To keep this somewhat gender neutral, my best friend says he wouldn’t date a girl who consistently ate off his plate without asking.

Another guy said that he doesn’t really have any deal breakers and that he just needs another girl to keep up with him. At first, I thought that this was kind of a lame cop out since he drinks gin and tonics and wears polo’s. But, after dating a bunch of different guys since then, I get it. I’m learning quickly that there are certain lifestyles and personalities that just will never work out. No deal breaker necessary.

So many people have lists for what they are looking for in a partner. Lists of what they want, what they don’t want, things that they absolutely will not compromise on, etc. In my personal experience – if you like someone enough – those lists get thrown out the window.

Gin-and-tonic-polo-wearing guy might have a point, all those aforementioned ‘deal breakers’ are just something that people use as a defense mechanism when dating. What everyone is really looking for is someone who recognizes their imperfections but in no way sees them as the end-all be-all of their relationship.

To be fair, if most guys had a list of traits that they were looking for in a girlfriend, I am not so delusional to think that I would even come close to qualifying. I am well aware of my flaws. I just feel like I hide them better than most.

• My type of working out consists mostly of walking my dogs around the park while drinking a 24oz Twisted Tea.
• My diet is mainly Chipotle and Cabernet.
• My phone is dead more than it’s charged.
• My family calls me ‘the black cloud’ because weird, unlucky shit always happens to me.
• My idea of cleaning is shoving all of my newly washed clothes into my closet.
• My unpaid parking tickets add up to more than my rent… for an entire year.
• My sense of both direction and time does not exist.

Sorry Beyoncé but Flawless* is not a dating requirement. Everyone is just looking for that other person who not only accepts them as who they are but revels in the fact that they are a unique and albeit, flawed, human. One person’s deal breaker is another person’s treasure. TC mark

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