5 Reasons I Hate Cell Phones (And You Should Too)

As a child of the ‘90s I’m supposed to be an iPhone-toting, social networking lover of technology. My generation uses ironic Twitter hashtags to channel our inner-asshole and we chronicle nights at the club via instant mobile uploads (or “muploads” #coolgirllingo). The reason we get to be this awesome? Cell phones. From my fingertips to your bleeding eyes – the breaking news on the outfit I’m wearing, musings that no one gives a shit about, and minute-to-minute location updates just in case the neighborhood predator is having a slow day. I agree that they are indispensable, but all the same, I hate cell phones. Here are five of the main reasons why:

1. No one pays attention to me anymore. Okay, this isn’t as needy as it sounds, I promise. But do you ever get the sense that some of your friends have no idea what your face looks like because they’re always looking at their goddamn cell phones while you’re talking to them? You don’t have to be a 50-year-old to know that yes – it’s shockingly rude behavior – and no – being able to type without looking doesn’t mean you should do it. (Keeping your phone beneath the table while you text is not discreet, you just sort of look like you’re playing with yourself.) Either way, you sound like a halfway stoned zombie stringing words together when you deign to partake in conversation. Every time you do that, I enter a J.D.-on-Scrubs-type daydream and slap your mobile device right out of your hand. My alternate reality self is not sorry.

2. Without fail, I always drunk text my grandma.
Sometimes it’s a “WhereeEeee areejeee youuyuuu?” text that I accidentally sent her because she appears as a contact right below my best friend. Other times, I hit her with a “I love, love, love you Grandma!” intentional text that I send in a moment of wasted clarity, which allows me to value loved and aging family members. More embarrassingly, she has also received nothing more than a random combination of letters that I hope she thought was my cell phone bouncing around in my purse. You know that dreaded moment the next morning when you look through your phone to see the drunken damage you’ve done? Well you should hope you’ve only confessed undying love to an ex-boyfriend, because grandmas never forget.

3. BBM ruins relationships. There is something so sinister about the little “D” that appears above your sent BBM. For non-Blackberry users, this means your message has been delivered, but not yet read. Your message is sent and now you wait. Five minutes have passed and you start to panic a little. “Why hasn’t he/she read my BBM yet?” you wonder. “He/she must hate me, right?” No! Chill the fuck out. Put down the phone before you send a crazy “Well obviously you’re ignoring me” text. Sexual politics are confusing enough without the help of instant messengers that make it seem like you should be talking 24/7 simply because you can.

4. Someday we will all be porn stars. Not that I want to weigh in on Weinergate, but if a high-profile politician decided to send out “dick pics,” I would put a large sum of money on Joe and Jane Collegestudent doing the same. I’m talking to you, girl in the public restroom taking a cell phone picture of your panties for your boyfriend. I don’t care what he says when you breakup, he is never going to delete that mobile pic of your lady bits. Let’s just say that the folder on his computer titled “Junior Year Bio” definitely contains a different kind of biology. So now you’re faced with two options: either be nice to your ex for the rest of his life, or make it big, Paris Hilton style.

5. I miss landlines. Ah, the blissful days of youth when the word “three-way” only applied to three-way calls. Remember when your friend called the boy you liked while you quietly held back nervous giggles on the line? And remember the moment after when your little brother picked up another phone in the house and totally blew your cover? Yeah, me neither. Experiences like this might not have been the most pleasant, but such is childhood. Kids these days (am I really already using that phrase at 21?) don’t have to suffer through their moms answering the home phone and inquiring about the “booooooooooyyy” calling. Instead, these kids walk around with smartphones and compose carefully thought-out, flirty texts to the boys they like, looking and sounding cooler than I ever did at 12. Cell phones are denying kids the proper forum for those painfully awkward “tween” years required to become interesting (and slightly insane) adults.

Listen, I’m not endorsing a massive burning of all things electronic. Just be aware that the phone glued to your hand does both good and… robs you of your youth and turns you into a sociopathic amateur playmate. TC mark

image – Karla Fitch

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  • Juan

    Jesus, get a job you whiny turd

    • Guest

      ditto

    • idk

       juan… turd…
      get a job…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    #2 has never, ever been the case with me. Drunk texting = #highschoolproblems

  • Anonymous

    Best thing about switching from BlackBerry to Android: NO MORE BBM!  Same problem.  Sometimes I’m busy talking to other people or driving!  Sorry I don’t attend to your every beck and call!

  • Katie

    Why do I always click on these articles? I have probably read about 20 of them since I started looking at Thought Catalog. An even better question is why do I always actually read them after I click on them? And the best question of all: why are there so many of them on Thought Catalog in the first place? I mean, they’re all slightly different – some focusing on cell phones, others text messaging in particular, and still others maybe just facebook  – but they’re still all really, really similar. 
    And why, after all these articles I’ve read over the past 6 months or so, all the thoughts I’ve had, all the insightful opinions I’ve kept to myself, why is THIS the comment I finally chose to write and post? 
    I am so confused by everything to do with this situation and my relationship with Thought Catalog in general.

    • Jordan

      Well I’m glad I could take your Thought Catalog posting virginity. I lost mine with aforementioned article. Listen, all of a person’s insightful opinions can’t fit in one post. I’m sure you’ve got lots to say, pick something and keep going. It’s not all facebook, and texts, and cell phones :) Just this one!

      thanks for reading

      • damo

        nice to see that you reply with a degree of class – unlike certain other TC writers who shall remain nameless.

      • Katie

        I’m sorry I posted a slightly negative comment (my first ever!) on your first Thought Catalog article. Unlike your response, that wasn’t very classy of me. 
        And while I stand by my opinion that Thought Catalog has congregated an excessive amount of articles with essentially the same sentiment as this one, I definitely should have saved my slightly negative comment for one of the poorly written ones!

  • damo

    the little ‘D’ on BBM is far less unsettling than an unreplied ‘R’.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1198922828 Marianna Elvira

    I hate #1 so much. I avoid doing that like the plague, and if someone does it constantly I call them out on it.

  • coffeeandinternets

    I am positive I’m not the only one who ‘previews’ with their BBM, opting to scan the first lines of a text without opening it so the person would know I read it.

    So I mean, it’s possible the recipient could in fact be avoiding you — not all paranoid conspiracies are off the mark.

    Any other worst fears ya’ll need realizing, you let me know.

  • damo

    god, looking at your phone after a hedonistic night out to see the damage is the worst. checking numbers dialled, call durations and wondering what the fuck you were talking about, texts sent, BBMs sent etc.

    death.

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    How about because I can’t sit through a movie anymore without someone killing the mood with  an aura emanating from his or her hands?  How about because as a teacher, students thought I was dumb enough to believe that they weren’t texting beneath the desk, but their crotch was absolutely fascinating and deserved a good stare?  You’re a young adult.  You’re not important.  Get over it for a few hours and put the phone away.  Yes, I’m surly and have no problem that I have a career as a curmudgeon in 50 years.   

  • EP

    Well, I agree with all of this minus the BBM, because I have an iPhone. I hate my friends that text while I’m telling them something important, or worse…they text while they’re driving with ME in the car. What the fuck, I don’t risk your life like that when I drive, why the FUCK would you do that to me?

  • http://twitter.com/ingenuegle Egle Makaraite

    Amen. Cell phones suck. The only reason I have mine by my side is because my parents pay the bill for it and expect me to answer whenever they call… #annoying

  • http://www.TechComet.com abhiroopb

    I seriously don’t understand the angst behind users of
    mobile phones. Clearly your friends are not interested in talking with you if
    they are constantly looking at their phone. When I am with friends I would only
    respond to a message or email if it was urgent OR if the conversation was dull.
    Yes it’s rude, but if it’s dull, it’s dull. Be a big boy/girl and get over it.
    If you are texting your grandma like that there are bigger issues you need to
    worry about instead of venting on TC.

     

    As for BBM (or WhatsApp which has a similar function)
    perhaps the other user has no data service and so has not received the message?
    Or perhaps they are too busy being engaged in a conversation to read the
    message? As you correctly point out…move on with life!

    • xra

      or…. you’re a dick looking at their cell phone while someone’s talking to you

      • http://www.TechComet.com abhiroopb

        It’s rude, but what’s the difference between looking at your phone and/or having a glazed expression when someone is talking to you.

  • http://mannaarie.tumblr.com/ Manna Arie

    I went on a date with this guy who texted the whole time. He’s the one who asked me out – I don’t know why because he didn’t pay attention to me at all. I was having a conversation with myself the whole time. I found out I like ponies.

  • Chase

    They as well give you brain cancer.

  • Guest

    I can text and listen/talk at the same time

    • oh

      as already said…..IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD.

    • NYCbooster

      But you cannot do any of these things well if you’re doing them at the same time.

  • http://www.twitter.com/mexifrida Frida

    I often go into JD-esque day dreaming scenarios during those situations as well.
    Love Scrubs references!

  • chloe

    I literally planned on writing something like this. So weird. But I’m with you, I fucking hate cell phones.

  • Anonymous

    I feel like I am the only person my age (18 and under) who hates texting :(

    • Em

       You’re not. I’m under 18 and I hate texting…especially when other people do it.

  • Guest

    I hate it when someone texts me 10 times instead of just talking to me for a minute…

  • Andrew

    I totally agree. H8 my generation. Am I ~progressive~ for not having an iPhone, Facebook, or twitter?

  • http://profiles.google.com/ecnadac11 Constant Writer

    Drunk texting is always a problem. I almost miss landlines, but not enough to let go of having internet access on my phone. No blackberry, so no issue with that one. Nobody should be texting tweeting or emailing nudie pics of themselves. Period. This is all public information now, no matter how many privacy settings you have on your account. And as to the nobody paying attention anymore, I guess that’s just one of the caveats we’re stuck with. Manners could get a revival, or a revision to include the new technologies, but everyone should try to work on that without being told to do so.

  • Guest

    There is something about very very good writing that subconsciously affects the way we think about people. Even having never met this blogger, I can honestly say that the more I read, and the more her “voice” came through her writing by relaying what she wanted to relay, the more attracted I became to this text-filled entity on my computer screen. 
    Over the years i’ve mostly agreed with the points put forth by our well-versed writer, howeverI have never heard these sentiments strung together so nor succinctly as these particular “5 Reasons” on this particular Thought Catalogue. As I was reading along, i could easily equate to each eloquently espoused anecdote, and with gusto at that!Obviously our writer’s writings stem from some of her personal experiences, but the way with which she has done so was most entertaining – never a dull or drab sentence – and cleverly disguised as ‘just another amenable example.’ Clearly she is not exempt from her share in the sharing of “picture” exchanges with a former boyfriend. Judging by her syntax and diction regarding that paragraph, i would safely venture a guess that her ‘referenced example’ is one from her own past vaguely detailing a boyfriend she may have met in junior year high school biology; and then ended up on his hard drive in pixelated form subsequently saved in a folder most likely labeled “Junior Year Bio.”   
    I can only hope that this finds its way into the hands of our apparently troubled youth in order to better shed light on the sorrowful cellular blight with which their generation has been cast.

    All said and done, my only problem with at the very end on a simple choice of wording.
    Now i do not claim to be an expert, a good, or even a “CONSTANT” writer, so please correct me if i’m wrong [as i often am] BUT i felt that it would have been more poignant to the theme of the article to end not with “..robs you of your youth,” but rather: “..robs you of your humanity.”  

    Otherwise a thumping good read from a fellow intellectual bird (that’s the opposite of a bloke in cockney) 

    – Mavis Beacon of South Oxney, London

  • daman_money

    I agree with this writer 100% I hate cell phones to they are very retro active in doing just about anything. They take to much time out of the day, that anyone could be using to do more productive things. Not only do they take to much time out of your day, but they also cause people to not value your time as much since they enable you to get ahold of any perticular person that owns one at will via text phone call or mesenger. Nothing is realy this important. Another thing is that everyones excuse to having one is it’s for emergency purposes but realy if you think about it a medi alert braclet or an on star type of tracking system is much easier and more time eficient then waiting for a call to conect after dialing numbers and pushing the send button, also there is a possablility that you may have run out of time or minutes on your phone or maybee it jjust dead and needs a charge and your car batery died. Also if its fatal you wont be able to call anyone most likely, or if your stranded on the highway there are call boxes every mile or so along bridges or the interstate. Think about this also if something happens and your at work ,your at work you cant atend to what ever the problem is then and there anyway because your at work and most likely its nothing you could have done anything about anyway because work was your abligation at the time. You knowing about this emergency that already happened wile you were at work is really irelivent you can ultimatly do nothing at the time but get stressed about something you were not there for.  Another aspect about cell phones is the perverted side that most people that own them continue to buy them for to swap private parts pictures, this is introverted behaviour if you wouldnt do or say it in person what makes you think it’s ok over a phone. mobile web sites capitalize of of this and use pictures uploaded to distribute to misc web sites and advertisments within your local area to make money all off of you stupidity. Texting also is introverted behavior actualy physicly talking to someone is the only way to send a clear message, short sweet and to the point otherwise your playing games, life is not a game and there is not enough time for it.
    And does any one really know the adverse efects that many other countries have found with cell phones. Scientist have found in most countries in there studies that cellular radiation disrupts active neurons in the brain that causes altered synapsys between nuro transmiters in the brain. This is the reason in most countries besides america they put a cap on use and teenagers are out-lawed from owning them. Cellular radiation disrupts stress proteins in the brain and causes lack of development in specific lobes of the brain.The U.S.A. just makes so much money off of them they dont tell you this so much. They effect stress levels on a nurological level and a chemical level in the body from cellular radiation projected directly in to the brain and all over your body.  Scientist estimate in the next 15 or so years that there will be more stroke heart atack brain tumors and cardiovascular disease all contributed to or caused by exsesive cell phone use and cellualr radiation based items. For these reasons and many more that im aware of i have gotten rid of my cell phone . And honestly i have found that true friends and family seem to leave me alone alot more and value the time that they can get ahold of me that much more since they know they can not get ahold of me any time of the day. Another thing is i have way less stress, that in it self is an amazing feeling. One more thing is that i have more control over just about any situation weather its social interaction or a buisness matter because people know that there is one set time in the day to get ahold of me and thats it not calls at work  no calls on the craper one time a day. for these reasons among many other i have crap caned the old celly happy brain tumors everyone ill see ya in 20 years if your still alive      

  • Ytytyt

    ghgh

  • Kdfkdf

    Cell phones are a scourge.  The new fad should be to carry around a cell phone jammer to cut off all the idiots on cell phones.  Don’t tell me it is illegal.  I don’t care.  Would you rather I took your phone and threw it, or punched you in the face?  And don’t tell me it infringes on your rights.  I could give a f*** about your rights.  I am protesting a social wrong.  If there is an emergency I will obviously be able to see it and will turn off the jammer.  Not hearing about something is not an emergency.  It doesn’t matter if you are not at your grandma’s side when she dies.  You will hear about it tomorrow, no big deal.  It doesn’t matter and has no significance.

    Jammers really do work.  It is fun to mess with people’s phones.  Sometimes someone wastes a lot of time composing a text message, then you cut them off and they loose all their work.  I’m laughing my ass off when you get pissed off.  If they are talking, they hear the audio cut in and out, then eventually the call drops.  If you hang around their bars all disappear and they can’t make or receive calls.

    If the current fad is for every jackass and their dog to be texting or talking, the new fad should be anti-cell backlash.  If you are using a portable device you look like an idiot anyway.

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