I Got Dumped Via Facebook

We met at the Victoria & Albert Museum in South Kensington, where we had both come to see the new “Culture of Beauty” special exhibition. It was random and unexpected.

“What do you think of this painting?” he said.

“Um… it’s really beautiful…” I replied, surprised.

“Hi, I’m Ryan.”

Before I knew it, we were walking idly around the galleries together, not really looking at what hung on the walls. After a while I suggested we sit outside in the courtyard, as it was a beautiful spring evening, quite rare for London. We talked for two hours, until the guards kicked us out.

“Pints?” he suggested. I’m never one to turn down an offer for pints.

What had started as a date with myself to see a special exhibition had ended with an actual, impromptu date with a charming cinematographer from Leeds. He made music, was an Apple fanboy and had some badass tattoos. What had just happened? This had to mean something.

We exchanged numerous long emails and texts daily over the course of the next few weeks. We had so much in common and many similar interests. He would come to my flat after work and we’d walk along the Thames. One night we sat under a tree while it rained and shared a bottle of prosecco. On our third (planned) date, he kissed me. And we proceeded to drunkenly make out all over town the rest of the night, two kids that couldn’t get enough of each other. People stared, but we didn’t care.

A few weeks later, we both had the day off for the Royal Wedding, so we made plans to spend the day together. I arrived at the High Street Kensington tube station at that morning, where he was waiting for me.

“My father’s holding a champagne breakfast for the wedding,” he said. “Want to come?”

“Um… okay… I’m meeting your family?”

“Just my father.”

“Oh, well, sure!”

This was soon, meeting a parent. Well, as long as there was champagne involved, how bad could it be?

It turned out to be lovely. The next day, he asked me to be his girlfriend. With a burning in my heart, I said yes. This was serious business. I knew I didn’t want to be without him, so I took the leap. I was on Cloud 9. But also silently freaking out. I hadn’t been Someone’s Girlfriend in so long. I don’t do boyfriends. Letting someone in scared the shit out of me. But it was all so serendipitous, I just couldn’t say no. It was time to grow up, I told myself. Stop holding people at arm’s length, stop the endless parade of men. Take a chance.

Every time I saw him, it was just so good. Little things like going to the movies, walking around Kensington, going on a pub crawl with his father, cooking dinner together, and spending hours in bed. He helped me move to a new flat. He’d go out in the morning to get me coffee, even though he didn’t drink it himself. I started to believe in this, that this was a good thing. And I let him in. I held hands with him on the street. And we made it Facebook official (perhaps the biggest step of all!).

We just connected on almost every level, it seemed. The only things we disagreed on were beer and modes of transportation. He drank Stella Artois and preferred the bus, and I loved Carlsberg and took the tube. So, I took the bus with him and he stocked his refrigerator with cases of Carlsberg. If those were the only things we disagreed on, well, I could live with that.

And then last week, it all came to a screeching halt. He had come to my flat on a Sunday, we cooked dinner and then went to the pub to watch the Man U vs Chelsea game. It was another idyllic evening, filled with kisses and banter. Back at home, he made me come three times. When he left, he said, “Bye dahling, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Tomorrow never came. The next day, we exchanged exactly four text messages, instead of our usual 50. He was really busy on a project at work, he said. Ok, I get that. The next day, my texts went unanswered. So I called him that night. No answer. That’s strange, I thought. But I tried to relax, because the last thing I wanted was to be a crazy, obsessive girl who freaks out when she can’t get ahold of her boyfriend for 2 days. My worst fear is becoming That Girl.

After another day of radio silence, I called him again. And again, no answer. So I left a voicemail. I was confused and worried. I knew he wasn’t dead, since he was still active on his online profiles. Everything had been going so well, not one little argument, nothing that would have upset him.

Three days later, I looked at my Facebook profile, and my status simply read, “In A Relationship.” The person with whom I was in said relationship had vanished.

“What the fuck!” I shouted. My flatmate ran into my room, alarmed.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “No. He fucking defriended me and blocked me!” I cried.

“What the fuck?” she replied. “Just like that?”

Just like that. TC mark

More From Thought Catalog

  • Drea

    he's a coward.

  • http://www.facebook.com/wingedthing Leigh Alexander

    jesus

    did you ever find out what happened, that seems psycho/beyond the pale, like you could possibly like confront him and ask what was his fucking rationale for thinking you deserved so little respect

    seems fucking traumatic

    • Jordan

      no i have absolutely no idea, it's like he died, but i know he didn't. i keep going over things trying to find a reason and… nothing! best i could do was write him an email, and called him a coward.

      • brandypass

        This sounds like the suck. And I love how people take this opportunity, while this very recently happened, to tell you that you need to not put out so fast and that he probably just found someone else or thought you were too crazy to break up with. Super cool!  It is kind of amazing what new kinds of crazy making people can make with fb.  I had an ex who “friended” me, said we were cool (we'd already broken up) then proceeded to hide everything on his fb page, even his photos, from just me (which I did not know was a feature until then!) That was the end of that relationship.

    • Goldmund

      I agree. Very traumatic. I hope you find peace of mind soon enough, Jordan. Absolutely no one deserves this kind of treatment. Man up and call it off…. But simply dropping off the face of the earth – so to speak, is simply inhumane. Also please do not lose faith in all men after this very unfortunate episode. They are not all psychopaths. So sorry.

      • Jordan

        thank you :)

  • alex

    shouldn't this be on livejournal

  • http://twitter.com/becki_says_rawr Becki Barlow

    the worst guys are not the ones that are aresholes and not worth bothering with… it's the ones that appear to be so very worth bothering with and then they whip the carpet out from under you. absolutely sucks but no one wants a guy like that long term

    • Jordan

      yeah it is better now rather than a year down the line. but still. what a fucking prick.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    That's fucking awful. My ex-girlfriend had me delete my Facebook page.

    • http://profiles.google.com/amaviena Amanda Viers

      not cool.

  • Hanna

    And I thought being dumped via text message was terrible. o_o

    • Jordan

      right? well it's 2011.
      ha.

  • fffff

    being realistic, he prob just met someone else and was too much of a pussy to tell you

  • Tythelandstander

    I was dumped via Gchat recently.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      Jealous.

      • Jordan

        i'm jealous too. atleast there was some kind of interaction. haha.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=29100501 Alexander Baron Lash

        Trust me, it's worse: the conversation floats around FOREVER. You're looking up what you paid for some textbook, or trying to find the name of that bar you wanted to go to, and bamf! There's the conversation in all of its un-glory.

        At least you're not going to see this guy constantly pop up as you go about your online life :)

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

        Let's break up over Skype.

      • http://profiles.google.com/amaviena Amanda Viers

        I feel like that's the most intimate we're allowed to be.

  • Juliette

    what is it with people these days? sheesh. had almost the exact same thing happen to me last month. the intense connection, passion and then it was like he turned into a different person, all sketchy and non-responsive overnight.

    were people this shady pre-internet or have we just declined as a society?

    • Jordan

      i think the internet just provided a platform for people to show their true colors.

  • Bogon

    That means he thinks you're a nutter. Too crazy to break up with.

    • Jordan

      thanks. now i get it!

      • http://twitter.com/sfmusicchick Amanda Hansen

        You are not a nutter. He obv is. Damn… I didn't think people actually were broken up with on fb… I thought it was an urban legend or something.

      • Jordan

        i almost can't believe it myself.

  • http://stephgeorge.tumblr.com Stephanie Georgopulos

    Damn girl. That's some shit.

  • Guest

    Maybe he's just a guy who likes to take people for a ride and once things start to fade, he finds someone new. Had something happen like that to me but with a friend which was even weirder. There are people like this who you can feel you have an intense connection with and then it just dissapears when they dissapear. It makes you doubt yourself. Could I have been so stupid that I couldn't see the signs? No – there are people like this. They're dramatic. They make you believe what you want to believe and then they're gone. I don't understand it just as much as you don't…. but hold on to hope because one day hopefully you'll find the real thing and this thing with him kind of just looked like the real thing but wasn't.

    • Jordan

      you totally called it. thank you for this. really.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=29100501 Alexander Baron Lash

        Jordan, thanks for sharing this shitty, awful experience that you shouldn't have had to go through. Mimi, thanks for restoring my faith in semi-anonymous internet comment systems.

      • Jordan

        :)

  • OOOOOO

    I think this may be a trend found in British men..

  • Mimi

    or maybe he's just a guy who likes to have mini intense flings but avoids commitment and when he senses things are heading in that direction, he freaks and bails and looses all feelings… because he's got you – not only sexually but emotionally. He's lost interest.

  • Missy

    either way you don't need that phony in your life. time will heal your pain and then you'll find someone new but this trust of yourself issue will still be there because if you could be fooled once, you may close yourself off for awhile. Don't. It may seem like the right thing to do as you've been duped but don't close yourself off…. because there are assholes like this… but there are also good guys out there and if you close yourself off… you won't be open to the real thing when it comes along.

  • Guest

    That's what happens when you jump into bed like that. Guys want the sex but they don't respect you. He used you up and spit you out. Need to look for the more decent sort.

    • Jordan

      oh hey mom, didn't know you read thought catalog.

      • Guest

        Nope, try again. I wouldn't have the heart to show this to mom.

      • Jordan

        oh, well i'm not interested in what some judgmental, anonymous commenter thinks. thanks though!

      • ScottWalsh

        Then maybe you should disable comments. Don't get me wrong, I liked the article a lot (and can relate! But for me it was a text saying him and his ex-girlfriend had been hanging out a lot …), but that's the plus and down of the commentsphere.

      • Jordan

        nah, i know it comes with the territory. while i didn't say it explicitly, i wrote this as a commentary on how the internet makes people brave in one way or the other.

      • Jordan

        and also how breaking up has gone from being in person > phone call > answering machine > text > facebook.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=29100501 Alexander Baron Lash

        I lost half my coffee, and nearly my laptop, to this. Well played!

      • http://fastfoodies.org Briana

        a little extreme

    • coffeeandinternets

      Where did she say she jumped into bed with him? From the article that I am reading, she says she waited until the third planned date to even kiss him.

      God, reevaluating my life and choices right now. Thank you for this insight.

      • http://disrespectfultone.blogspot.com/ Daniel Schealler

        Nono, you don't get it.

        It's not like women have sex early in a relationship because they enjoy it or anything. No. It's only ever a ruse to try and Land A Man. Because Women only have one unchanging goal in any relationship, which is to Hold Down a Man.

        And you see, Guest doesn't have to justify this – because Guest already knows that Guest is right.

      • coffeeandinternets

        Oh thank heavens you're here to explain this to me and my simple girl brain, dear gentleman! I was wondering why there was always an absence of feeling or pleasure during The Act, and now I know why.

        Is Guest saying I can't fuck my way into a relationship?? Then why am I doing all this intercoursin' at all (and trust me, I'm doing A TON OF IT JUST A WHOLE LOT)??

        All I have is more questions.

        Like, why do they let just anyone on the Internet?

      • Jordan

        get thee to a nunnery

      • Jordan

        hahaha! i heart this so much.

        #cotd

  • federico

    heartless bastard

  • Jordan

    thanks for the free ipod, asshole. hope you enjoy your fridge full of carlsberg.

  • http://goldenday.tumblr.com Kia Etienne

    wanker alert.

  • georgia

    '“Pints?” he suggested. I’m never one to turn down an offer for pints.'

    people tend to prefix 'pint' with the indefinite article.  you might say 'want to go for a few pints?' or 'can you get two pints of milk?', but not 'an offer for pints'. it doesn't make sense.

    i'm sorry for being pedantic about a stupid word, it just bothered me. what that guy did was absolutely not okay. he's immature and a coward, and you're definitely well shot of him! i thought breaking up with someone by text or email was pretty fucking spineless, but just to delete them off facebook is a whole new level of stupid.

    out of interest, where's his mum in all this? she seems very deliberately absent from the story. could their relationship or lack of have anything to do with his behaviour, or would that be a bit too convenient? in any case, he's not a 13 year old boy (i hope..) who doesn't know better and he should have had the guts to contact you in some way at the very least.

    • Jordan

      are you british by chance? this article was edited and somehow that slipped though. i'm a stickler for grammar though, so thanks for the heads up.

      and yeah i don't think he was all that close with his mom. he never mentioned her, except to say that she still lives in leeds. i know he doesn't like his younger sister (which never sat well with me).

      and he's 25. yeah i thought breaking up by email/text was bad. you almost have to laugh. fucking facebook.

    • Joe

      I totally understand being a stickler for writing rules and such, but I for one was not confused at all. Do you not drink that much? The word 'pints' seemed inherently indicative of drinking to me, in the context. After all, it was conversational speech, and an offer of pints of milk would make less sense.

  • http://brianmcelmurry.blogspot.com/ Brian McElmurry

    I liked this.

  • Bellabella1028

    i dated an enormous amount before i got married – and have a million great/sad/hilarious stories from it. its all worth it. i dumped guys hard, was dumped hard, had easy breakups, had long, lengthy, tortuous breakups. i dont regret any of it – it actually DOES just make you who you are after all of it… realize this is just a story in the timeline of your life and dont let it freak you out too much! move on and do it again!! xo

  • annabella

    i dated an enormous amount before i got married – and have a million great/sad/hilarious stories from it. its all worth it. i dumped guys hard, was dumped hard, had easy breakups, had long, lengthy, tortuous breakups. i dont regret any of it – it actually DOES just make you who you are after all of it… realize this is just a story in the timeline of your life and dont let it freak you out too much! move on and do it again!! xo

  • David St Bernard

    I think both of you were too caught up in the magic of the situation to really understand what you were rushing into.  It moved too fast and he bailed.  Easy come, easy go.

    The best you could have done was show/tell him that you're more approachable than he thinks.  Calling him a coward only confirms (in his head, even though he is being a coward) that you're hostile, and thus not approachable.

    Ah well.  Hope things get better for you.

    • Jordan

      yeah, i mean, i thought of that. my whole point was the way he ended things – using a social media site.

      and should i not call him out for what he is?

  • http://www.facebook.com/aubrey.combs1 Aubrey Combs

    I am so sorry. What an idiot!

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