I saw his phone light up with new notifications on its screen. He typed in his passcode with a speedy pace and scrolled through what looked like a series of double texts, consisting of heart emojis and paragraphs of confessing words. My curiosity called me to lean over his phone to read a few of those words, but he rolled his eyes and threw it onto the floor.
She was too much. He groaned, but dropped his annoyed expression before pulling me in for a kiss. I kissed back, knowing that this other girl would probably make for a more suitable partner to him than I could ever be.
In relationships, I started to become not enough.
I was too quiet, too detached, too secretive, too distant. It’s why I didn’t care that he texted other girls and why he was choosing to spend his time with me instead of the girl that double texts.
He knew she would always be there, while I was the one more likely to flee.
We all know plenty of girls like that. They are too forward, too present, and too much to handle at times. It seems these girls have the tendency to hold on, even when they are being let go.
The truth is—they won’t hold on forever.
The girls that keep one foot in the relationship and one out are the ones expected to leave. You can prepare for that heartbreak.
It’s when the girl that has always been too much and suddenly becomes nothing at all that you feel the real hurt.
She will take everything with her. All that she once brought to the table, stacks and piles of all she has to offer, will be taken and that table will be as empty as you feel when she’s gone.
Those texts she sent you, full of emojis and words to get your attention can be ignored for only so long until they suddenly become less and less.
She will start to feel herself her mind emptying of all thoughts she has towards you and notice that you’re keeping everything in. She will sense that you see her words as meaningless, just like the ones you send right back to her.
Eventually, your phone’s screen will be rid of all those heartfelt notifications.
Maybe you even tried to filter her. You told her to calm down. She always had too much to drink, was too loud, too argumentative, too flirty, or too needy. So, she attempted at taming herself to get your approval.
She will start to look in the mirror and see her eyes dulling. She will discover the reason for this is you and will snap out of it.
You will only get to see her shine from a distance, because she has discovered you can’t handle it up close.
Maybe you pretended that there wasn’t anything special about her in the first place and acted as if she could be easily replaced, so she starts to feel alone in what she once thought was a relationship of two people.
This will only teach her that another person isn’t the reason for her greatness. She will realize that she was always better off on her own.
No longer when you walk into a room will you have all eyes turn towards you, because she won’t be by your side.
She was the loud one, the one full of energy, the one who’s presence could make everyone pay attention and you just couldn’t handle that.
You will have lost her and you will feel her “too much” taken away in all aspects of your life. You won’t even know how you managed before her.
Maybe there was a time I was too much in a relationship, but I knew it was never going to get me what I wanted from the guys I dated. I reached the point of no longer giving a fuck about trying in a relationship, because I didn’t receive the same effort in return or was told I needed to be less.
I became lost, to both the guys I dated and to myself.
Don’t let her become lost. Don’t dull her flame. Don’t attempt to even approach a girl that seems “too much” in your eyes when there are so many others that will embrace her for all that she is. She doesn’t need anyone who tries to confine her.
You could try, but she will always find herself again and that is why you will lose her.