This Will Be The Last Time I Write About You, I Promise

 Pixabay
Pixabay

The most creative I feel is when my heart is heavy and emotions are wild. I crave a way to formulate my feelings into tangible form the most when I’m hurt.

Please don’t think that it means anything more than it really does. Don’t let it get to your ego. Just because I have written more about you than I’ve been able to write about others, doesn’t make you important. You were at one point. You meant something to me that was then taken away because of your own selfish actions.

Know this—you hurt me and that is why I write about you.

So, from this point on, I will stop writing about you.

I will give up the feelings you once gave me in order to finally move on.

I will stop letting your name mean anything more to me than just a word. A bundle of letters that once represented a boy I once had strong feelings for will no longer cause my heart to throb. The pictures of you with your new girlfriend will remain off my newsfeed and your face will start to fade from my memories.

I will not write about you any more and believe me, that is a strong declaration coming from a creative type.

We not only express our emotions through creative ways, but we feed them in the process. We type out words, draw up images and formulate stories that add more intensity to the feelings that remain deep within our hearts.

Because of this process, I feel more than most. I look quite obsessive and engrossed in a feeling that may have passed so easily for another person.
Don’t view this as a weakness.

As a creative type, we remember. We feel our feelings, express them, and hold onto them in order to never forget them. I may have written too much about you and exposed my hurt to everyone around me or to those who have read my typed out words, but guess what? I’ll never feel that same hurt again.

You may have not felt anything. You may have moved on easily and continued your life as if I was not a part of it. That is okay.

I felt everything and it’s what makes me stronger.

The feeling is so ingrained, so deeply integrated into my mind and heart now that I’m aware of whether I’m allowing it back into my space.

If I sense another person like you stepping into my life, I will know.

I’ve been through it before and it won’t happen again.

People who don’t allow for the expression of feelings in a productive way will continue to fall for the same mistakes. Moving from one feeling to the next without recognition will only cause another heartbreak.

It’ll be an on going cycle that never ends, creeping in the back of your mind and causing reckless decisions until you finally open your heart to expose it.

So, I’ve written about you because I want to get rid of you.

I’ve written about you, felt sad about you, cried about what you did to me and carried those feelings with me for a while, because I never want the same situation to happen again.

I may have seemed a little too emotional, a little too attached, a little too hurt by you—but through this process, I have forgiven myself. Have you?

So, if I ever see you again, know that I will no longer feel anything. My last written words about you means it’s my last time feeling anything towards you.

I’m ready to move on. I’m ready to stop these moments of feeding my emotions, because they have finally made a strong enough impact for me to learn from them. Not a lot of people will understand, but that’s okay. I will continue to express my emotions through writing them down, attacking them head on. I will embrace them until eventually they fade away, just like you have in my life. TC mark

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