You will slowly start feeling yourself slip away, because you try so hard to support them. You hold on tightly to this person and experience pain with them, because you know how much they need you. They live a way or they act in a way that pulls you in. You sense their fear, their loneliness, and their need for support.
You can’t help yourself, so you follow their trail of chaos, picking up the pieces they may leave behind. It’s almost like you want to be mixed into the tornado that they create, because you know they won’t survive it otherwise.
It shows a kindness that not a lot of others have. To be with someone whom you believe needs you. To be with someone you see potential in, but they just can’t manage to find this potential themselves.
It demonstrates your patience and willingness to love those that may not love or care for themselves. This is a strong act. It is strong, until it starts to make you weak. Because as humans, we can only give so much of ourselves to another person until we start to feel as if we are deteriorating along with them.
We can be there until suddenly we feel like we’re not. All of our actions in attempt to stray them away from the bad suddenly become unnoticed. We become not enough for them. You can keep waiting, as they pull away your parts or you can work up the courage to leave them. Sometimes, losing a support is exactly what people need in order to grow. It’s when were on our own that we finally learn to become independent and to stop relying on others to survive.
We can only do so much. We can’t change people. We can support people who are trying to change. We can offer help. We can be there. We can’t, however, alter them completely.
It is not your responsibility to save another if the saving is from the destruction of their own making. Only they are capable of doing this.
You can’t save them and that’s okay. Thinking that you can, is only going to put a heavy pressure on you that can only be relieved by the person you’re trying to save. All we can do is help as much as we can before losing ourselves in the process.
We deserve to be surrounded by those who can love or support us in the same way we do for others. A relationship is give and take. You can’t keep giving and giving until you have nothing left—until you feel you’re being taken for granted.
And it’s never their fault, no.
You were the one wanting to change them.
In this process of wanting to change another, you create hopes for that person. You’re creating goals, setting up a future, and starting to imagine dreams for them. This is where we can fail when we love someone that may be in need of help. You focus all of you attention on something that really isn’t in your control.
Although you may know them, they are experiencing life extremely different than you are. Their dreams, aspirations and motivation may be completely different than what you imagine for them or what they are willing to admit to you.
Quit waiting for the storm to pass. You have to either accept the weather as it is, or move somewhere else that’s not as cloudy.
We can commit to people, but we can’t expect those people to change after we do so. It’s not your right to play God in their lives. If you think you can alter someone’s personality, you are doing this person a disservice. You’re not giving them the opportunity or trust that they can do it themselves.
Watching and helping someone grow is different. Picking them up when they’re down is different. If you find yourself constantly being the support of another, because they are unwilling to support themselves is the case when you need to rethink the relationship.