
This year I have lost two very special people in my life. This is the first real loss I have experienced, and they happened just a month apart. In health class I learned about grief and the stages that come with it;Â denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When first hearing the news, I felt a lot of denial and anger. I felt it for days and even weeks. I bargained too. I thought of everything I shouldâve done or said. I felt the depression. I felt like everything around me was a constant reminder of who I had lost. Every day was a little harder to get out of bed and face a world where these people werenât in it. And eventually, I found acceptance. I accepted that these people lived a rich, fulfilling life that made a positive impact on everyone they met. In the end, I knew they died content with how they lived. The idea brought me peace.
However, through this process, I also found that grieving isnât a simple five-step process that cures you of missing the people you love. The process doesnât go in a simple order. With anger, I felt depression, and with bargaining, I felt denial. The process doesnât tell you how it will feel watching your family hurt too. And it doesnât tell you how to watch your mother and father sob as they tell you the devastating news. It doesnât tell you how many times you will find yourself with tears streaming down your face and how hard it is to hide these tears when youâre in public. It doesnât tell you how your outlook on life will completely change because these special people are no longer on Earth. It doesnât mention that every relationship you have will change because you now realize who and what is important in life. You see who was there for you at 1 a.m. when it was all too much, and you see you only send you an âIâm sorryâ text.
In 9th-grade health class, I didnât learn any of this. I just learned five steps that I was supposed to go through to eventually feel better and move on. But at the end of the day, it isnât about simple steps. Itâs about reflecting on the special life of a loved one who meant so much to you. Itâs about thinking about how they shaped you as a person and embracing those qualities. Itâs about finding inner strength. Losing these people wasnât easy, but going through my own grieving steps gave me the realization that I am capable of a life where I live through their memory. And this is what brings me true acceptance.