I live in a generation where hooking up is considered casual, one-night-stands aren’t a big deal and being in a relationship in college is just not a good idea. And yet here I am, 20 years old and I’ve never been in an actual relationship and wanting so badly to be in one. Sure, I’ve had things with guys, but no guy has ever taken me on a date or wanted to call me his. Am I hurt because of this? Yeah, sure.. a little bit. Will I let it affect me in every way? Absolutely not.
I was at dinner tonight and we were seated right next to a teenage couple who looked like they were absolutely in awe of each other. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. You could tell the guy only had eyes for his girlfriend and this girl looked so innocent and shy and I just thought of how perfect this couple was. I started realizing that I can’t wait for the day a guy looks at me like this young boy looked at his girlfriend; it was so pure and real that I just kept thinking about how this guy is doing everything right.
I always kick myself when I’m down and think “OMG when will I ever get a friggen boyfriend?” But I realize I don’t even want one just to say I have one. I want a boyfriend who will be my best friend, who wants to be with me all the time because he doesn’t like being without me, who wants to learn about my past and appreciate who I am because of it. I want a guy who pushes me to be a better person and who wants the best for me no matter what the circumstances. I want a guy who appreciates me and I am more than willing to wait for that person.
I’ve been thinking lately how maybe since I want a relationship but most of the guys I talk to are more interested in just hooking up that maybe I should lower my standards and just mess around with them. UM HELLO WHAT AM I EVEN THINKING?! I have such high standards that I should have never even thought of this, and I just will never be that girl that is okay with hooking up with different guys. To my friends that do that.. go you! I never judge you and I hope you know that! I just have a lot of respect for myself that I can’t and won’t be easy for any guy. If you respect me, you will respect my decisions.
I just believe that God will give me the perfect man when it is the right time. I still have so much to figure out about my own life that I want to wait and I don’t want to rush into something that would just be a mess. I want the one worth waiting for and I’m looking forward to that day when the man of my dreams finally walks into my life. If you’re hiding on me right now, please keep hiding because I’m not ready for you right now.
I know my guy will come someday and waiting is going to be really hard. But in the end I know it will all be worth it. And if you’re single and in the same boat I am, please promise me that you’ll wait too and you won’t take the unsure thing just because you think it’s what you want in the moment. Good things take time, we just have to remember that sometimes.