Thought Monologue No. 3

A Chick-fil-A spokesman has died of a heart attack after the company announced themselves to be against gay marriage. He is survived by his two Pomeranians: Liberace and Sir Charles Nelson Barkley.

Sarah Palin and her husband Todd stopped by a Chick-fil-A restaurant in Texas to support the company’s anti-gay marriage stance. Palin said, “I believe marriage is a relationship between a rooster and a hen.”

Madonna was booed and insulted in Paris when she ended her concert after just 45 minutes. Her manager blamed it on technical difficulties with the hologram.

Twitter users grew angry this week after the social media service crashed for more than an hour. It’s that age-old question of if a tweet fails in a blackout and nobody’s online, does #firstworldproblems still trend?

Former Vice President Dick Cheney said that he thinks John McCain’s decision to choose Sarah Palin as a running mate was a mistake. It’s funny because Dick Cheney is talking about other people’s mistakes.

Before shooting a nude sex scene for an upcoming movie, Lindsay Lohan made the entire crew strip down to their underwear to make her feel more comfortable. Too bad it was commando Thursday.

A man punched his girlfriend in the face after spotting a photo of an unknown man on her cellphone — which turned out to be a picture of Mitt Romney. Newt Gingrich has since released a statement saying she wasn’t his girlfriend.

Mitt Romney’s campaign announced that his running mate would be first revealed via a free, downloadable app for either your iPhone or Android. Because Mitt Romney doesn’t care about Blackberries.

An 85-year-old couple is deciding to retie the knot — after divorcing 48 years ago. Both have three grandchildren, two cats and Alzheimer’s.

Former Twilight couple Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are in a custody battle over their dog, named Bear, after Stewart admitted to having an affair with Snow White director Rupert Sanders. But fans still think that the book was better.

Twitter introduced a “cashtag” feature — with the $ sign — for people to use when tweeting about stock symbols. Which would explain why Ke$ha is listed on the NASDAQ. TC Mark

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  • Sophia

    These were funnier when they were timely.

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