A gambling addict is in the most danger and experiences the most temptation when he’s bored, angry, and depressed, especially when these three emotions are coddled by the sweat drops of his fingertips ruffling the marks of the paper money in his pockets.
The other night, at 4:20am, I was this gambling addict.
I found myself wanting to call a taxicab to rush me to the nearest casino. The thought of potentially (most likely) losing my monthly paycheck didn’t faze me because my feelings of restlessness needed to go away. Gambling to lose would relieve the pressures I had at work because it would remind me that even though I lost everything, I’d still be able to live; meaning I can handle any other problem that comes my way.
So, at the early hours of that morning, losing my money was the only option circulating in my bloodlines.
But there it was, sitting on the table next to my bed. Brown covered with a strap to secure it from the eyes of others and a pen screaming out “I NEED TO BE USED.” This is my fallback, my lifesaver… my journal.
Now, I’m not excluding people who are not problem gamblers, far from it. I’m saying that gambling is my demon that needs to be extracted from my soul. Basically, I’m saying that a journal can save you from your own demons that you carry on a daily basis, as it has saved me.
What’s great about journals is that they can be any type of stationery or pieces of paper. Notebooks, paper meshed together by staples, and pens are cheap enough that mostly any stranger has an apathetic view if you take their pen away.
Yes, I’m suggesting that journals should be written on paper. When you hold your pen in your hand and use it to write on blank sheet, there is a personal investment and focus that are not visible anywhere else. Computers and other modes of “writing” can easily distract you, but a handwritten journal is like a book you’re fixated on.
No one really wants to bother you when you’re writing. There’s a sense of seriousness and content that urges others to give you space. It’s also versatile because you can carry it anywhere. I have multiple journals: one in my bathroom, one in my desk, and one in my backpack. It cannot run of battery as it can easily be opened at any time of day.
From the aforementioned examples there should be no excuse to have one. It is so important for your life.
It hugs you after a fight with your partner when his or her words scratch at your neck and take you to a place where you’ve broken down. It holds your hand in comfort before you go do something crazy like jump from a plane or parachute over the Grand Canyon. It can be your accountant as you figure out your personal finances. It celebrates your joy after a birthday surprise where long time friends showed up to give you gifts. It motivates you and assures you that your dreams and ambitions are not as ludicrous as others may think.
Most importantly, a journal listens to you without judgment or reservation, especially when you when you think no one else had or has the time for you.
How can this be? It is only a piece of paper that doesn’t talk back to you. Or does it? They say when you write things down, you’re able to express the view of your world. The emotional connections and self-reflections in your own head are able to communicate like two hands grasping each other like two young lovers at a wedding chapel.
This alone should make you realize that a journal is indeed good for you. By writing in your journal, you’ll be able to finally define yourself as someone or something that can survive.
Open up and write.