Last weekend, I attended and presented at a Presentation Party Night (I highly recommend the experience, whether you attend or decide to present) and my presentation was on vaginal fisting. It was basically a how-to type of presentation that I made in Power Point that highlighted consent, safety, and method, all very important things but as I was in a room full of straight-up (and likely mostly straight) strangers, I didn’t want to fully out myself as a transsexual man that enjoys getting vaginally fisted. I made some allusions, but yeah, I wasn’t quite brave enough to stand up and be all, “Yo! I love being fisted and I have a vagina of steel! Let me tell you how it feels!”
I felt kind of bad when, during the question and answer segment, a woman in the audience pointed out that I didn’t say anything about how it feels or many positives aspects of it. She was right, I didn’t say much about how it feels and I over-focused on, “Use lube! Don’t wear rings! Trim your damn fingernails!” This is my chance to rectify that situation.
You know that moment when you’re completely connected to your body, and your mind, and your emotions, and your sense of trust? I usually don’t feel that. But if somebody I love or trust or love and trust has their fist up in me, I experience that combination and it is euphoric. It’s a culmination of all the great things. It’s the sexual simile to watching the X-Files and cuddling while talking about yur day.
I was born female but I’ve lived as male for the last ten years. I know a lot of trans men feel incredibly uncomfortable about penetration but, obviously, I don’t. I’ve had plenty of sex with cisgendered men, and I’m okay with penises and stuff, but my favorite sexual pleasure will always be getting fisted by a woman.
Let me break it down for you: if I take my pants off for you, you are special. Granted, during specific manic phases I’ve been known to show my nether-regions to people who are practically strangers, but those cases are few and far-between. If I let you get me off by penetrating me, you’re even cooler.
If I ask you to shove your fist in me, you are golden and I have established trust and communication with you. I will totally ask somebody I don’t love to fist me, but it feels so much better if I also love the person. It makes me feel incredibly connected to them, and that makes for a very arousing experience. It almost feels spiritual, even though I am not a spiritual or religious person.
The best thing about getting fisted is the emotional connection it can bring on (though not always). I can get off with two adept fingers (or a less adept penis, or an even less adept strap-on) for sure, but there’s something special about being spread-eagle on a bed and letting another person insert a rather large portion of their body in me. My junk is all out in the open, for their eyes to see. That’s hard for me to do as a trans person — let it all hang out.
And if I want a person’s fist in me, I want their eyes to look at me while they’re doing it. I want them to know what they are doing, and how I am reacting, and I want to know how they are reacting. Having a fist in me promotes communication. “Is this okay?” Those are magical words to me and get me even hotter.
Don’t even get me started with “Does this hurt?” Yes, it hurts and it is wonderful, and please, please do it harder.
To me fisting can be a very intimate act. There are a few moments when a chosen partner is working their hand into me, before it’s a fist, and the situation is all body language, eye contact, and verbal communication. It’s me letting go of myself, letting walls fall (because I have a great deal of anxiety around being touched in an even non-sexual context) and opening up (pun intended.) It’s knowing that I might ejaculate, and that might freak my partner out or embarrass me, so it’s also me letting myself be very, very vulnerable. Even just the act of saying, “Will you fist me?” puts me in a vulnerable position. They could say no, and then I could feel embarrassed about this little kink of mine.
Physically, it is amazing. I love getting fisted while being kissed. It’s the perfect set-up and it makes my body feel taken care of. And I know it sounds gross, and straight-up straight porn-ish, but I love feeling full. I like feeling as much of a person as I can, and them feeling me, and feeling a part of my body that most people aren’t allowed to go near. I like the communication surrounding how it feels for both parties; I like feeling safe enough to tell them when it hurts too much, or when it doesn’t hurt enough. I like being in control of when I’m ready for them to extract their fist so I can feel my body orgasm on its own, and I like having an orgasm when a fist is still in me, because there’s nothing hotter than muscles contracting and fixing a wonderfully stimulating hand where it’s at until things settle down.
I don’t know how it feels to be fisted as a woman. I wasn’t that adventurous when I was femaleidentified. I also don’t know how it feels to be anally fisted because my butt is off-limits. (And guys, I know the “Oops, wrong hole!” trick — don’t try it. I’m onto you.) I can only tell you what I know as a sensitive, slightly masochistic, and pervy transman. And I can tell you that it’s amazing and emotional, and if you really want to make me happy in bed, ask me if you can fist me. Because sometimes having to ask my partners all the time gets old.