1. Everyone is beautiful in their own way except for a lot of people.
2. Together we can stop people from saying “Fleek.”
3. You can’t tell me to follow my dreams and then get mad when I want to sleep.
4. Another great day to think about food more than people.
5. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of funfetti cake.
6. Ugh. Don’t you hate when you accidentally start thinking about the future.
7. Some days you’re going to wake up and want to trade your feelings for guacamole.
8. If you’re stressed imagine how Harry Potter felt.
9. It’s not that he doesn’t like you, it’s just that if you were in the Hunger Games he wouldn’t sponsor you.
10. There will be stressful times in your life, but it’s important to remember that if you try hard enough you can ignore that stuff and watch movies.
11. LOL mornings.
12. Some people just got married and I am having pringles and fruit loops for dinner.
13. There are no shortcuts in life. Want to lose weight? Exercise. Want to make money? Work hard. Want to marry me? Buy me mozzarella sticks.
14. It’s hard being this badass and still remembering to recycle.
15. At least Robin Thicke hasn’t released a song in a while.
16. Sunday: Because leaving the house is overrated.
17. Be Tommy Pickles in a world full of Angelicas.
18. Some days you just have to look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Would I sell my voice to Ursula in exchange for legs?”
19. People are always like, “Try walking a mile in their shoes” and I’m like sorry I hate exercising.
20. It’s the freakin’ weekend baby I’m about to watch me some Netflix.
21. Whenever you’re feeling lonely just remember that Aladdin’s best friend was a rug.
22. Never trust someone who doesn’t sing alone in the car.
23. Live, love, don’t analyze texts.
24. Be Grease in a world full of people who are Grease 2.
25. Unfair that when caterpillars do nothing they turn into butterflies but when we do nothing we just get fat.
26. Yes, it’s OK to break up with someone for clapping at the end of a movie.
27. College Tip: If you have to find a partner in class it might just be easier to transfer schools.
28. Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away because we’re eating cupcakes.
29. It sucks how you can die even if you’re really cool.
30. Being an adult is so easy. It’s like swimming. Only the water is poison. And there are sharks. Sharks that shoot fire.
31. I like to show up fashionably never.
32. When will being fat be trendy hopefully soon.
33. If you ask someone out and get rejected, it’s not a huge deal. Just stay calm, take a deep breath, and avoid them the rest of your life.