I Know I Want You, I Know I Want An ‘Us’

Unsplash / Ezra Jeffrey
Unsplash / Ezra Jeffrey

When you just get into a relationship, when the bud has barely blossomed and the heart first bloomed flowers you didn’t know what to do with, people like to ask: Is he the one?

But I always ask to change the question because growing up, I’ve always been taught that if you don’t think something is right; change it.

The question will never be whether the person is “the one” because there is never just one person in your life. The question is dubious, vague, and unclear and something my mind, which has been conditioned to years of academic definitions and research questions, cannot accept.

Instead, the question ought to be: Can you see a future with him?

And my answer for you will always be the same, Yes.

I don’t know what is ahead for us and I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know if I will marry you or have children with you. I don’t know if I will always love the way you say sorry all the time because, in your words, I am worth more than an argument. I don’t know if I will want you tomorrow. I don’t know many things, but I know this:

I know I want an ‘us,’ no matter what us means.

I know I want to be at your wedding, and I want to meet your kids.

I know I want you now.

I know I love you, now.

And it took me a long time, before I met you, to allow myself to stop being fearful of the unknown future. It took me a long time, to be okay with the fact that things are never certain.

Most importantly, it took me a long time to fall in love with the fact that they aren’t.

I know I want you. Yet I don’t because I don’t know if I will want you tomorrow, or next week, or even in the next minute. But everyday, every thousandth of a second, I make a decision that I want you, and to me, that’s worth a lot more than I want you forever.

To me, that everyday conscious or sometimes subconscious decision is worth more than saying I want you forever based on that one time you remembered what drink I liked.

I want you, now, because as I type this, you sit beside me, quiet, supportive and while your eyes are on your work, I know your heart is on me.

I want you, now, because you remember how I get cold easily so you put your jacket beside me, wordless yet poetic.

The only thing I know about the future is that I want your person, even if it is just as a friend you talk to when you realize I’m also online at 2am. Even if it is just as a stranger you invite to a party to fill up the room. Even if it is just as the person you introduce your new girlfriend to.

I know I want you, and I’m excited, everyday, to find out how I will want you tomorrow. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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