I’ve decided to sit down today and commemorate one of America’s oft- forgotten heroes: Ann Coulter. She’s been in the news a good amount recently, promoting her newest book: “¡Adios, America! – The Left’s Plan to Turn Our Country Into a Third World Hellhole.” Unfortunately, she’s been receiving a lot of flak from those gosh-darned libtards. People, she is the best thing to happen to these great 50 states and she’s the voice of an increasingly voiceless minority (rich white people).
Ann Coulter is a firebrand of a pundit, known from her ultra-conservative polemics, ad-hominem attacks, and generally having a personality that liberals claim borders on performance art (whatever that means). She was the left-wing pundit du jour, but she appears to be losing her popularity. I’m here to turn that around.
1. Coulter is a political genius.
I mean, what else do you call it when a single woman says, “If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat [sic] president… women are voting so stupidly, at least single women”? Now, as part of the supposedly privileged class of Caucasian males (who are actually becoming punching bags after everything we did for the world), I could never get away with saying that; which is why we need people like her. Or, what about that time she opined that, “backbone of the Democratic Party” is a “typical fat, implacable welfare recipient”? Personally, I would have thrown a bit in there specifically about the Black welfare queens, but she pretty much hit the nail on the head! Honestly, just imagine what this woman could do for our country if she had some real power!
2. Coulter is 100% real.
When it was going around that she refused to stay on a plane after discovering that the pilot was a Black, I believed it. Why wouldn’t I? Of course that’s the rational response! Tell me you don’t ever get a nagging concern when your doctor walks in and he’s a Black man? I know it’s not PC, but this is about our health here. Most black men are in jail, how’d this one get in medical school? Come onnn… we both know. And this pilot was a darkie and a girl; that’s double the affirmative action! Everyone on that hypothetical plane (because ALLEGEDLY the story isn’t true) was thinking it too, they just were willing to die so a minority wouldn’t be offended! If you ask me, if Coulter had actually left a plane like that, she’d deserve a standing ovation! Her honesty is just what America needs!
3. Coulter says and does what the rest of us won’t.
She was in the news a few weeks ago for her controversial guest spot on “America with Jorge Ramos”. Like usual she told the truth and everyone got mad. It’s exhausting having to defend her so often; I don’t understand why everyone else doesn’t see in her what me and my drinking buddies see! It takes some serious balls to do and say the stuff she says in front of TV cameras. Anyways, some Latina chick was upset that Ann wouldn’t hug her or something. Coulter clearly said she had the flu! She was trying to do the Mexican, or whatever she was, a favor! And come on you guys, we all know we wouldn’t have hugged the immigrant either. I mean, they fit so many of them into one abode, it’s plain logic that they can’t stay clean. That’s not racist, it’s a fact! I can’t even be racist, I had an illegal friend back in college. (Actually, I don’t know if he was illegal, we didn’t talk much, but aren’t they usually?) Anyways, Coulter was also under fire for rebuking a kid who was trying to cry racism. She told him “you’re not black, so drop the racism crap”. Honestly, the PC police should be grateful; at least she threw a bone to one supposed ‘oppressed minority’.
When are all the nonwhites going to stop playing the race card anyways? They eat the same food as us, and wear the same clothes. What’s the problem? So dramatic.
Coulter is a 10-times bestselling author. And she deserves it. She is the realest talking head out there. Everyone in my town in West Virginia loves her, and there’s like 2,000 of us! That’s like 10% of America right? Anyways, the next Presidential season is unfolding, and all we see are jokers and frauds on both sides of the aisle. Fortunately, the pretty, thin, blond answer (but that’s not why my conservative buddies and I like her, we value her for her perky…. intelligence) is staring us in the face.
Coulter-Trump for 2016!