If You’re Too Shy To Ask Them Out, Think About This

Toa Heftiba

Thinking of asking a girl out?

But can’t find the “right moment”?

This all reminds me of a remark I heard once when I was visiting one of my old college friends at the neuropsychiatric ward at Dundrum central mental hospital here in Ireland.

I came at about 11 in the morning. Most of the patients were just sitting there quietly, with the odd one reading a book or watching TV.

The odd thing was that they weren’t really talking. They were just sitting there …almost robot like.

Then I was given an insight…
One of my psychology friends from college (who was showing me around) said to me:

“What you’re seeing is a real life display of the saying: ‘perfectionism paralysis.’ You came here at 11. But whatever time you come in here …you would still see the same thing: The same patients sitting in their same chairs …doing their same things.”

Why do they waste their lives here like this?

Simple – They’re afraid of making a mistake. They’re afraid of failure.

Failure paralyses them. Because of this, they never try ANYTHING other than their same old routines in here …day after day. As a result, they succeed at never making any mistakes …but do so at the cost of the thrill of success if they tried.”

What does this have to do with asking a girl out?
If you like a specific woman and want to ask her out, you need to be careful of looking for the “perfect moment” to come along. You need to be careful of perfectionism paralysis.

Otherwise you run the risk (so many unfortunate men have have had happen to them) …of where you leave it too long to ask the woman out …and the next thing is – she has a boyfriend.

The fear of failure can paralyze a person …but I know from guys I coach, that the pain of failure is nothing compared to the pain of regret that can last years after letting “The One” slip away without ever having asked her out …or letting her know how you feel.

My Advice?

Right now, you have two options:

Experience the pain of rejection


Experience of the pain of regret?

The pain of regret is WORSE than the pain of rejection. When you look at it like this, it should make what you need to do right now clearer. Don’t wait for the “perfect opportunity” to come along to ask her out. Instead, the next time you see/meet her – ask her out.

If she says “No” – you experience the lesser of the two above forms of pain.

If she says “Yes” – you avoid pain altogether …and get to experience the exhilaration of success that those patients in the Dundrum mental hospital never get to experience

Asking a girl out out should be looked at as a win-win situation. So don’t procrastinate – do it! And do it NOW! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

John Alex Clark is a Relationship & Life Coach. He is the founder of the website Relationship Psychology.

Keep up with John Alex on Twitter and Website

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