8 Confidence Killers That Are Ruining Your Chances With Her

Aziz Acharki

Some people think you are either born confident or you’re not. But this is not the case. In reality, your confidence levels right now are a product of the environment you’ve been in for the past few years. For example, one product of the environment you’ve been in for the past few years is how you believe others around you view you.

Do people around you have good regard or low regard for you? A guy will project confidence when he thinks others have high regard for him. Conversely, he will become unsociable when he thinks that the people around him dislike him. So your environment around you has a direct result on your confidence levels.

If you want to be confident around girls, you need to do two things:

1. Build your inner confidence levels (This is what most people do)

2. Remove any negative influences in your life/environment (This is what most people forget to do)

Of course, there are several different ways on how to build confidence and indeed many books written on the subject. However in this article I’m going to focus on how to be confident with girls simply by removing unnecessary negative influences and confidence killers in your life.

8 Confidence Killers To Remove In Your Life

Let’s look at some of the roadblocks you may have right now which are blocking you from having a good healthy confidence level and which can be easily fixed:

1. REMOVE Negative Friends: I once had a friend who I used go clubbing with. He had confidence issues with women and used not want to go dancing on the dance floor. I used love dancing. Anytime I would pick up a woman on the dance floor however he used be grumpy. He’d make back-handed comments to try and put me down. He did this of course to make up for the fact that he couldn’t get a woman himself. I found though that he was draining my confidence and so I stopped hanging around him. My confidence levels grew straight away after ditching him. Friends like these can drain your confidence. You shouldn’t put up with them. If someone in your life is doing this to you, tell them what they are doing and tell them to get lost if they are not willing to change their interactions towards you.

2. REMOVE Negative Rejections: Some women love ruining a guys confidence. In my article What To Do If A Girl Rejects And Humiliates You I go through how some women will deliberately try to destroy your confidence when they reject you. In that article I show a way to prevent this from happening if a girl ever rejects you and tries to humiliate you like this. In my book “THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology” I show more ways on how to build insulation against rejection when approaching women. This will prevent any future bad rejection from damaging your confidence.

3. REMOVE Negative Thought Mindset: Have you developed a mindset where you only look at the bad in things? Do you jump at the first opportunity to complain about things without offering a solution to the very things you complain about? If so, then I can concur …because I used be exactly like this! In my article The #1 Trick To Change Your Personality From Negative …To Positive (My Story) I showed how some people can accidentally allow themselves to get into a cycle of thinking negative thoughts just for the sake of it. And how this can allow needless negative energy to build up inside you. By simply getting into the habit of looking at the positive side of things, you will create an environment for your confidence to naturally grow stronger and stronger. You need to try and look for the good in everything. If you make a mistake, don’t look at it as a negative or as an opportunity to complain. Instead, turn the mistake around and view it as an opportunity to learn. In other words, don’t focus on the mistake …but on what you can learn from it. Having a positive attitude not only affects you but also makes you more attractive to women around you. It’s a win-win situation.

4. REMOVE Negative Mindset Towards Rejection: No matter what you do, not everyone will like you, in the same way that you won’t like everyone else. Therefore rejection is normal as even you yourself will reject many things and people in your life. So you need to view rejection as not just something that might happen to you but something that happens to everyone and is part of life. Even the most popular people in this world get rejected on a daily basis. President Obama had to deal with constant obstacles put in his way by the Republicans. Pope Francis has to deal with criticism from people about the Catholic churches stance on gay marriage and women priests. Rejection is normal. Don’t view rejection as only something that seems to only happen to you.

5. REMOVE Unhealthy Mindset Towards Comparison: The most successful people in this world didn’t get to where they are by comparing themselves to others. Richard Branson (founder of Virgin Atlantic Airways and Virgin Records), didn’t get to where he is in life by worrying if he was better or worse than the next person. He got to where he is by focusing on becoming the best he could be at what he does. Confident people don’t compare themselves to others to see if they are better or worse than those around them (insecure people do that), confident people always keep the focus on themselves. If you’re out in a nightclub trying to pick up a woman, focus on being the best you can be rather than worrying if someone is better looking or better dressed than you. There are going to be tons of guys better looking or better dressed than you but they might have other issues which are not immediately obvious to you …meaning that a woman in the nightclub could very well rather go out with you than them.

6. REMOVE Battle Scars: Being rejected in the past by a woman or women will have an accumulative effect of slowly lowering your confidence without you realizing it. Then one day you realize you were a lot confident in your past then you are now …and wondering why that is the case. If an ex rejected you in your past, check out my book “THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In less Than A Week Using Psychology” on how to re-wire your mind back to the state it was in before you met your ex. This will have the effect of removing the damaging effect an old relationship can have on your confidence.

7. REMOVE Media Brain-Washing: The media brainwashes us with what a man should be like. He should be cool, charming, good hair, good body and so on. Guess what? The vast majority of men are not like this. And guess what else? The vast majority of women KNOW THIS! Most women are not looking for the pin-up version of the perfect man …but simply looking for a good average man. So if you have a particular fault, don’t allow yourself.

8. REMOVE Self-Inflicted Problems: Your subconscious is like a box. Whatever you put into it is what will end up inside it. If you put only negative things into your subconscious then you will only have negative things inside it. You need to treat yourself with basic respect and value. If you’ve allowed yourself to put on weight over the last few years, begin a workout regime to not only show others that you value yourself, but to also communicate to your subconscious that you are someone of worth because you are willing to look after yourself and your body. The same applies across any other area of your life which you have left go or are not happy with.

Confidence Is Crucial

There’s no getting around this fact but having confidence is crucial when dealing with girls. Women perceive confident guys as fun and exciting even if their looks aren’t very appealing. So if you aren’t blessed with great genetics, you can use confidence as a very viable means to compensate for this. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

John Alex Clark is a Relationship & Life Coach. He is the founder of the website Relationship Psychology.

Keep up with John Alex on Twitter and Website

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