1. You’re not afraid to rock out to some killer instrumentals. Bro. Did you HEAR the French horn at 1:33?? F*cking badass!!
2. You never realized that dating a friend’s ex was weird because you were introduced to the dating world through band, and “bandcest” was the norm. Everyone dated everyone else. Most friends had the same exes. Business as usual.
3. American Pie was the bane of your existence. Every time you mentioned going to band camp, you had to endure countless non-band kids reciting “One time… at band camp…” We’re more than that movie! We play MUSIC with those instruments! Nothing else!
4. ….But…. it’s also kind of true. Weird shit went down at band camp.
5. Your fight song is seared into your memory. You’ll be 105 and won’t know your own name, but if you hear the opening notes of that song, your reflexes will kick in and you’ll be reciting the chants word-for-word.
6. …Also, if you hear Sleigh Ride play over the speakers of any store during the holidays, you must cease all conversation and hum along to your part.
7. Your tolerance for embarrassment is much higher than everyone else’s. You spent every Friday night wearing a shako in front of your entire school. Nothing phases you now.
8. Need to carry a very full bowl of soup? Not a problem. Years of marching band have made you an expert at moving your legs while keeping your upper body completely still.
9. Spit has never bothered you. Non-band friends gag at the sight of someone spitting in public, but they’ve obviously never seen a trombone player empty their spit valve in the middle of the classroom.
10. There’s a unique grief that comes from cracking a brand new reed. Farewell, my friend. You fell long before your time. We could have really been something. Best of luck in the Great Beyond.
11. You feel really weird if you’re not matching step with your friends. In fact, you often catch yourself unconsciously watching their feet and trying to get in step with them. YOU CAN’T HELP IT. IT’S SECOND NATURE.
12. Speaking of, if someone naturally begins walking with their right foot, they’re probably an alien. You step off with your left foot. Always.
13. People can make fun of you for being in band all they want, but you know you’ll have the last word. All those years of perfecting your embouchure, double-tonguing, complex fingerings, and diaphragm work was good for more than just musical abilities.
14. The soundtrack to your nightmares is arpeggios. So many arpeggios. Endless arpeggios.
15. You get oddly annoyed whenever you’re watching a movie or TV show and an actor isn’t even trying to match the fingerings or rhythm of the music they’re “playing” onscreen. Like, seriously???? It’s OBVIOUS they don’t know what they’re doing!! At least learn a few fingerings! Research your part dammit!
16. You get chills whenever a film score has a perfectly timed timpani solo.
17. You get unreasonably excited when a popular song is in an unusual time signature. Guys. This is in 3/4! And then switches to 6/8 for the bridge! Do you realize how cool this is?? They don’t.
18. You unconsciously subdivide every beat you hear.
19. You were never concerned about “being cool” because you were cool amongst the other band kids and that’s all that mattered.