19 Foolproof Ways To Pass The Time At The DMV

Tyler Olson
Tyler Olson

1. Sit on the floor and cry. You’ve been meaning to get out all those feelings you had after watching Transparent for a second time, and you’ve got like, 5 hours to kill.

2. Open Tinder, set the distance as close as possible. See if you can match with someone else in the DMV. Date, get married, grow old together. By then, the DMV should call your number.

3. Call Maxine, that girl you were sort of mean to in fifth grade. Apologize and make coffee plans.

4. Talk to everyone! Ask them about their hopes and dreams! Tell them about that weird ingrown toenail you found this morning! Maybe they’ll get grossed out and leave! Boom. The line just got shorter.

5. Lead the waiting area in a rousing rendition of “We Are The Champions.” It’s a crowd favorite and everyone will love you.

6. Finally comb through the minute details of your health insurance plan. In this environment, that subject matter will seem FASCINATING.

7. Apply online for a job at the DMV! Once you have the job, go ahead and get out of line, and process your own paperwork.

8. Gather people for a game of Duck, Duck, Goose. Make all the DMV employees jealous that you guys are having all the fun.

9. When it seems like morale among other people waiting is low, recite William Wallace’s Braveheart speech. Will raise morale for approximately 13 minutes.

10. Recruit people to create a flash mob. Choreograph an epic routine to “Uptown Funk.” Film it, go VIRAL.

11. Contemplate the meaning of life. Have a mini panic attack because you’re spending precious hours of your life in what’s most likely Hell (LOL JK Satan’s not that cruel).

12. Cry some more.

13. Read Tolstoy’s War and Peace. It’s classic literature and will make you far superior to everyone else in your book club. When you finish it, go ahead and read Gone With The Wind. You’ve got time.

14. Buy a guitar. Set up a hat inside the DMV and perform a cover of The Smiths’ “Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want.” Move everyone to tears.

15. Stream Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s “Cosmos” on your phone and invite everyone to watch with you! Have an intellectual debate afterward.

16. Take a nap. You’ve been needing to get a full night’s sleep for a while. Now’s your chance!

17. Are you all cried out yet? Good. Actually, take a minute to take in your surroundings and check the clock. Yep, keep crying.

18. Write up your will. You can never be too careful about those things, and really, who knows when you’ll get out of there. Better safe than sorry.

19. Write an article about ridiculous ways to pass the time at the DMV. Slowly go crazy. Help. I’ve been here for 3 hours. TC mark

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