1. Costco is YOUR JAM. Sure it’s not technically free because you have to pay the membership fee, but once you’ve paid it, FREE SAMPLES ALL DAY, EVERY DAY.
2. Your friends keep warning you that your love of free stuff is becoming a “problem” and you should “tone it down” and it’s “verging on hoarding,” but being Frugal is not a problem, okay???
3. To be honest, giving away some of the stuff you got for free is just as fun as getting it, because just because you don’t like Red Bulls, doesn’t mean you should walk past the promotional car handing out free Red Bulls. That would be madness.
4. You’re a sucker for free trials.
5. …And you’ll read those Terms and Conditions like a goddamn lawyer, because there’s no way you’re signing up for one of those Trick Free Trials that automatically charges you once the trial period is over. NO SIR.
6. Whenever there’s a convention that might have vendors giving away free stuff, you’re there with bells on… and an extra large tote bag to carry all the loot.
7. …And if a vendor is giving away something particularly good, you’re not afraid to get right back in the line for seconds… or thirds if the line’s short.
8. You’re always trying to recruit your friends to come with you to the conventions so that you have extra hands for more freebies, but for some reason they keep saying that they won’t “enable” your “addiction.”
9. You’re not afraid to sign up for each and every online giveaway, and when you actually win something really cool, your friends get low key jealous that your free-stuff-radar actually paid off.
10. You’re everybody’s go-to expert on free events in your area, because at this point it’s a matter of pride to know of everything free within a twenty mile radius.
11. Just because you love anything free, doesn’t mean you’re cheap and refuse to spend money. It actually means that you have more money to take those awesome trips, because instead of buying a new desk, you found one on Craigslist for a STEAL.
12. Your friends are always giving you a hard time about your love for freebies, and will point out all of the abandoned furniture on the side of the road, which is just HAHA SO FUNNIEEE. YOU DON’T NEED A RIPPED UP ARMCHAIR WITH ONLY TWO LEGS. YOU LIKE FREE STUFF, NOT FREE GARBAGE.
13. ….But every once in a while, someone will point out some furniture that actually looks like it’s in pretty good condition, and you’re…. tempted. (But you’ll never let them know that.)
14. You rarely have to buy pens, because you have countless free ones from business fairs and realtors. It’s truly an adventure whenever you reach for a pen, Will today be a University of Phoenix day? Or a Century 21 Real Estate day? OH THE EXCITEMENT.
15. Sometimes you get in a little over your head, and will accidentally offer to take your friend’s couch off their hands when they’re redecorating. It’s a reflex. Hey, do you want this couch? We’re gonna throw it away otherwi–YES. YES I’LL TAKE IT. It’s a problem, but you can’t help it. Do you need a new couch? NO. Do you love the couch you already have? YES. These are the moments when you think your friends might be right about these “addiction” claims.
16. College was wonderful. There was always a free t-shirt or club swag around every corner, and you collected ALL OF IT.
17. Standard conversation whenever someone enters your apartment:
Them: “Why do you have [insert very ugly, useless item sitting on your counter]?”
You: “I dunno. It was free though.”