21 Solid Pieces Of Barney Stinson Life Advice That Won’t Backfire In Any Way

1. “Okay, pep talk! You can do this, but to be more accurate, you probably can’t. You’re way out of practice and she’s way too hot for you. So, remember, it’s not about scoring. It’s about believing you can do it, even though you probably can’t.”

2. “In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story.”

3. “Suits are full of joy. They’re the sartorial equivalent of a baby’s smile.”

4. “Whatever you do in this life, it’s not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.”

5. “Chicago? Is that even a real place?”

6. “Every hookup at a weekend wedding is decided at Friday Night Drinks. Get stuck with the wrong girl, the only action you’ll be getting all weekend is a self five and I don’t mean the cool kind.”

7. “Cray Cray gotta go bye bye, before you get stabbed stabbed.”

8. “Wingmanship is a two way street.”

9. “A kid needs a pet cobra.”

10. “Never screw over a girl whose last name ends in a vowel, because she’s got brothers.”

11. “With great penis comes great responsibility.”

12. “Golden Rule. I do not buy dinner to get the Yes. Dinner is a very intimate activity. It requires a level of connection and eye contact that sex just doesn’t.”

13. “Kids!? No! Don’t have kids! The rule is no kids until you’re at least 45. Don’t you EVER read my blog? It’s gotten a lot better.”

14.“People like being lied to. They just don’t like finding out they’ve been lied to.”

15. “You know what they say about relationships. Every waking moment’s a battle.”

16. “There are so many great things to do with the human mouth, why waste it on talking?”

17. “Ahh tweed, the official fabric of the eunuch.”

18. “That’s what corporate America wants: people who seem like bold risk takers, but never actually do anything.”

19. “Let me tell you about a little thing I like to call ‘mind over body’ … You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story.”

20. “You’re different. Now I suppose you could learn to love yourself for the unique little snowflake you are or you could change your entire personality… which is just so much easier.”

21. “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.”