1. That massive order of delivery is all yours and it’s beautiful.
2. Laundry can take you 5 days to finish, spread out to all corners of the apartment, and not one fuck will be given.
3. The only passive aggressive notes hanging around your apartment were left by you to remind yourself that you don’t need to eat that entire box of Wheat Thins in one night.
4. You can buy as many snacks as you want and not have to worry about a scavenging
raccoon roommate pillaging your stash.
5. Headphones are a thing of the past. Want to listen to the soulful stylings of Dream Street while cleaning your apartment and daydreaming about Jesse McCartney? Go right ahead.
6. All midnight cravings can be accommodated, because no one is going to care that you’re running a blender during the hours of sleep. (Except your neighbor, but they don’t have a key to your apartment, so go wild.)
7. No one is there to see you make a complete fool of yourself when you try and replace the smoke detector batteries. That mishap with the stepping stool will forever be between you and the apartment.
8. All decorating decisions are yours and yours alone. So yes, this life-size cutout of the Eleventh Doctor is going to reside in your living room, because bowties are cool, and he’s beautiful.
9. No one is going to remind you of the five second rule when you accidentally drop that coveted curly fry.
10. The only reason you need to leave a sock on the door is to remind yourself that a poor sock-soul has gone missing, and its partner will remain lonely until you check under the couch and retrieve its pal.
11. Cooking a large meal means you have leftovers for days.
12. The TV is all yours always, so ahead and binge watch to your heart’s content.
13. Wanna pee with the bathroom door open? Do it.
14. You can forgo pants for an entire weekend, and no one is going to judge you.
15. When you’re sick, you can be as gross as you want. Cough freely and worry about picking up all the dirty tissues when your head doesn’t feel like a Stegosaurus stomped on it. Then when you’re all better, sanitize the shit out of your apartment. Or don’t. You can do whatever you want!