15 Things To Know About Dating Someone Who’s Guarded


1. We get weirder the longer you know us. When you first meet us, we’ll be the chill person that laughs when appropriate and just seems overall rather apathetic. However, as the months pass, we’ll slowly let you into our odd little world. When you see us talk in weird voices, laugh uncontrollably at the dumbest things, or flip out over the tiniest bit of news on Season 4 of Sherlock, congrats! You’ve been granted entry into our heavily fortified world.

2. Our best friends are extremely protective of us. They’ve watched us fall hard for someone, and get destroyed. They’ve stood by helpless as they saw us spiral and disappear into ourselves while we reconstructed our walls. So while we may be the most cautious around you, our best friends are going to be your harshest critics, because they don’t want to see us hurt again.

3. We like it when you open up to us. Just because we don’t like talking about ourselves, doesn’t mean we don’t want to know about you. We’re like the ghosts from Field of Dreams. If you build a safe, open environment, we will come.

4. We won’t ask for help when we need it, because to show you a weakness is to let you in on where we’re vulnerable. When we do ask you for any kind of help, it means we’re finally starting to trust you with our shortcomings.

5. One of our most common defense mechanisms against feeling ~Feelings~ is humor, so if we’re talking with a group of people, and the topic suddenly goes somewhere personal and we just keep cracking jokes, that’s our signal to you that we’re uncomfortable.

6. Same thing goes for when it’s just the two of us talking. We want to open up to you, and we will. We’re just going to joke our way out of the first several attempts at a personal topic until we’re sure we trust you.

7. Instigating affection is tough for us. While it’s difficult for anyone to go in for that first kiss, we’ve experienced enough rejection to know it’s easier to be the one that appears to care less. We want to love you fearlessly, and we hate the idea of you not knowing how much we care, but this is where we will fall short, and we hope you can be patient.

8. The most common way we will show our affection for you will be through small acts. We’ll make sure to have your favorite beer in our fridge or we’ll get tickets to see that band you said was your favorite. We want to make sure you know that you’re a priority in our lives, even if we don’t say it very often.

9. Sometimes the music we’re listening to is a good indicator of what we’re actually feeling. If you see us listening to Joni Mitchell’s Blue album on repeat, there’s a good chance we’re experiencing ~Emotions~.

10. However, this doesn’t mean that every song we listen to is keyed into our mood. “Trap Queen” is just really catchy.

11. We need time alone. Whether it’s because we’re feeling vulnerable, or we’re just tired of people, it’s important that we have a moment to let our guard down completely without feeling judged. One day we’ll let you into these moments, you just need to be patient, and let it happen organically.

12. Our pets are basically royalty. They’re the friend that has seen us at our strongest, weakest, and everything in between. They were curled up in bed with us when we recovered from our last break up, and they’ve listened patiently to every insecure thought we’ve had. So treat our animal friends well, or else we’ll cut you out of our lives in a heartbeat.

13. Don’t push us. It’s going to get frustrating when you can tell we’re not fine but we insist that we are. If you poke and prod to get us to open up, we’re just going to shut down further.

14. If you can feel us opening up to you, and you don’t feel the same way about us, let us go. Rip the band-aid off quickly, because each time we have to rebuild the walls that someone has broken through, we build them higher and stronger. So please, minimize the amount of rebuilding that needs to be done, and leave before we’re completely exposed and vulnerable.

15. A guarded person’s love is a slow burn. At first you might not know how we feel or if we feel, but given enough time, we’ll slowly unfold, revealing every scar and insecurity until the love we feel can be felt as clearly as the hottest flame. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Johanna Mort

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