1. Stare at your computer.
Stare at it. Stare at it some more. Fixate on that blank page until it looks like you have two computers.
2. Go for a walk.
Clear the brain. That’s what all the movies show writers doing. Walking. Looking pensively at the way leaves rustle in the wind. Creating a Pulitzer-worthy metaphor about leaves and life. At the very least you’re getting some good exercise out of the deal.
3. Listen to inspiring music.
Get pumped up! YOU CAN DO THIS! You’ve got the eye of the tiger! Nothing’s gonna stop you now! You’re gonna write the shit out of this!
4. Write by hand.
Obviously this whole computer thing isn’t working for you. Maybe you just need to go old school and commit pen to paper.
5. Stare at the notepad.
This doesn’t really work much better. But you did get some pretty great doodles out of it.
6. Take a shower.
Wash the bad luck off. That’s how showers work, right? Whatever. Clear your mind again, even though it seems like your brain has gone on a vacation.
7. Cry. Just a little.
It’s okay, no one will know.
8. Plot the murder of your computer.
You’re going to chuck it out the window and watch as it slams against the asphalt seventeen stories below you (in this scenario, you live on the seventeenth floor). Or, you’ll smash the keys with a sledgehammer and then set the whole thing on fire. Yes…
9. Text everyone you know.
Maybe someone will say something interesting that’ll trigger an artistic epiphany. You don’t know, and there’s only one way to find out. At the very least, you need to remind your sister to return that book you lent her ages ago.
10. Frequent all social media.
Facebook. Twitter. Instagram. Snapchat. Myspace. AIM. Anything that might get the creative juices flowing, and also, whatever happened to that guy you met at camp twelve years ago? Better look him up… for research purposes of course.
11. Read books on writing.
On Writing. Save the Cat. Writing for Dummies. Anything that might hold the cure to this horrible block you have right now.
12. Research alternate career paths.
This isn’t working. You need another plan. There’s got to be another job that doesn’t require you to want to rip your hair out every other minute. Maybe the crossing guards are hiring.
13. Read quotes from famous writers about their struggles with writer’s block.
If they’re struggling, then my issue isn’t so bad, right? Right??
14. Force yourself to write.
Seriously. Just arrange letters into various patterns. Do something. Write anything. ANYTHING DARN IT.
15. Break the block!
Yessss!! The words are streaming from your fingertips and everything is great! You glance at the clock… and it’s time for sleeping. Oh well. No sleep tonight.