1. Lending a stranger a pen.
It’s just a pen, but somehow, we become hyper-aware of each time it veers towards the person’s mouth. Did we get the pen for free? Yes. Is it kind of a shitty pen? Also, yes. BUT THAT’S OUR PEN, DANG IT. AND WE WANT IT BACK, SALIVA-FREE.
2. Watching anything on TLC or Lifetime.
We vowed when we clicked through channels that we would only watch Long Island Medium until it got to a commercial. Nope. “Until the commercial” turns into “Just this episode” turns into “Oh god it’s a marathon and I can’t look away.”
3. Falling for the “Buy One, Get One Half Off” Sale
We walk into the store with the sole purpose of buying that thing we need. But what’s that? It’s part of a Buy One, Get One Half Off sale! So we spend way too much time perusing the other sale items, and settle on something that we don’t really need, but it’s half off, so what the hey. We spend more money than if we had just bought what we wanted, and we have a cool trinket that will likely gather dust until the Sun dies.
4. Entering your primary email address for a site’s newsletter.
We’re lured in by the cool site, and decide that we definitely need weekly reminders of their deals. We then spend the rest of eternity deleting unopened emails, because we actually didn’t need to know each time a flight to Moscow was discounted.
5. Leaving our phone at home.
We’ve all had that moment when we decide to take a break from technology, because we’re human beings and don’t need to depend on a ringing brick of obligation. Buuuuuut as soon as we’re away from home and that ringing brick of magic, we realize that we could be missing that massively important phone call. This was all a horrible idea. HORRIBLE.
6. Not turning a light on when we walk into our apartment in the middle of the night.
We’re so confident in the hallway leading up to our front door that we know our apartment like the back of our hand, and don’t want to risk waking everyone up with a bright light. And then we walk inside, shut the door, and are immediately engulfed in a darkness that would impress Stevie Wonder. Where’s the light switch? When did my apartment turn into a five-year-old’s playroom?? DO I EVEN KNOW WHAT THE BACK OF MY HAND LOOKS LIKE???
7. Accidentally spoiling a show or book.
Sometimes we don’t realize that the person we’re talking to hasn’t seen or read what we’re talking about yet, and sometimes we think we’re being super coy and clever with our vague comment about Red Weddings even though we’re definitely not. Either way, the moment the words leave our mouth, we realize we’ve officially become one of the most hated people in that person’s life for the next five minutes. Oops.
8. Texting le exes.
Sober or drunk, it’s always a bad idea, and we always realize this the moment we press ‘Send.’
9. Answering an unknown phone number.
Remember the days when all phone calls were unknown numbers and you just had to take a leap of faith with every answered call? LOL. Now, when we answer and immediately cringe while we wait those three seconds to find out who’s on the other end.
10. Agreeing to read the first draft of our casual friend’s experimental novel.
How are we supposed to say ‘no’ to this? Our coworker looks at us with those eager eyes, and we say ‘yes’ before we even really process what we’re agreeing to do. So great. Now our weekend is going to be spend reading our coworkers Twilight fanfic.