“Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.”
“Don’t talk out loud, you lower the IQ of the whole street.”
“You know, you’re about as annoying as a condom filled with fire ants.”
—Veep
“Screw you, I’m hilarious.”
“Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.”
“2090 called. You’re dead and you wasted your time on Earth.”
“Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?”
“Your cranium called, it’s got some space to rent.”
“Isn’t there a slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts?”
“The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain has long since departed, hasn’t he?”
“Did you feel that you weren’t quite annoying enough without adding a delusional sense of grandeur? Because I promise you, you are annoying enough. In fact, you’re the number one contender for the middle weight annoyance crown.”
“No no I’m listening, It just takes me a minute to process so much stupid all at once.”
“You’re not even a man…you’re like an early draft of a man, where they just sketched out a giant mangled skeleton but they didn’t have time to add details, like pigment or self-respect. You’re Frankenstein’s monster, if his monster was made entirely of dead dicks.”
—Veep
“You can think I’m wrong, but that’s no reason to stop thinking.”
“Has anyone ever told you you’re as boring as you are ugly?”
“Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present Man Not Caring.”
“Your brain’s so minute, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn’t be enough to cover a small water biscuit.”
“You turtle-faced goon. I will cut you open like a tauntaun, you mouth-breathing Appalachian!”
“My god. You’re like a trained ape. Without the training.”
“If this is your idea of a joke, then you belong in a Woody Allen film because I’m not laughing.”
“Your mouth is open and sound is coming from it…this is never good.”
“It’s like you’re this giant, jackass pinata.”
“You look like a condom that’s been dropped on the floor of a barbershop.”
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