23 TV Comebacks That Are Guaranteed To Leave You With The Last Word

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you’re called upon to serve up the most epic comeback… and you fall short. The synapses in your brain head out for mimosas and you stand there, staring at the other person’s satisfied smirk. You dust off a “Your Mom” joke, and slink away, only to think up the perfect retort five days later. Well, have no fear, TC is here! Memorize a few of these perfectly snappy comebacks, and you’ll be set for life.
House
House

“Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.”

House


“Don’t talk out loud, you lower the IQ of the whole street.”

Sherlock


“You know, you’re about as annoying as a condom filled with fire ants.”

Veep


“Screw you, I’m hilarious.”

Freaks and Geeks


“Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.”

Firefly


“2090 called. You’re dead and you wasted your time on Earth.”

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt


“Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?”

House


“Your cranium called, it’s got some space to rent.”

Seinfeld


“Isn’t there a slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts?”

30 Rock


“The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain has long since departed, hasn’t he?”

Black Adder


“Did you feel that you weren’t quite annoying enough without adding a delusional sense of grandeur? Because I promise you, you are annoying enough. In fact, you’re the number one contender for the middle weight annoyance crown.”

Scrubs


“No no I’m listening, It just takes me a minute to process so much stupid all at once.”

The Big Bang Theory


“You’re not even a man…you’re like an early draft of a man, where they just sketched out a giant mangled skeleton but they didn’t have time to add details, like pigment or self-respect. You’re Frankenstein’s monster, if his monster was made entirely of dead dicks.”

Veep


“You can think I’m wrong, but that’s no reason to stop thinking.”

House


“Has anyone ever told you you’re as boring as you are ugly?”

Game of Thrones


“Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present Man Not Caring.”

Scrubs
Scrubs

Scrubs


“Your brain’s so minute, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn’t be enough to cover a small water biscuit.”

Black Adder


“You turtle-faced goon. I will cut you open like a tauntaun, you mouth-breathing Appalachian!”

30 Rock


“My god. You’re like a trained ape. Without the training.”

Firefly


“If this is your idea of a joke, then you belong in a Woody Allen film because I’m not laughing.”

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt


“Your mouth is open and sound is coming from it…this is never good.”

Buffy The Vampire Slayer


“It’s like you’re this giant, jackass pinata.”

Veronica Mars


“You look like a condom that’s been dropped on the floor of a barbershop.”

30 RockTC mark


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