23 Michael Scott Quotes That Prove He’s Secretly A Lost Twenty-Something
By Johanna Mort
“Sometimes I start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”
“I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
“I am Beyoncé. Always.”
“What is it like being single? I like it! I like starting each day with a sense of possibility. And I’m optimistic, because everyday I get a little more desperate. And desperate situations yield the quickest results.”
“It’s never too early for ice cream.”
“You don’t know me. You’ve only seen my penis.”
“It feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And, at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer. And then, a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone. And I’m crying, and nobody can hear me. Because I am terribly, terribly, terribly alone.”
“I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all, and it’s terrible.”
“I don’t want to do anything. I’m dying.”
“I don’t know, it was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed.”
“My mom always used to say that average people are the most special people in the world. And that’s why God made so many.”
“You know what they say. ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice… strike three.'”
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
“Mo’ money, mo’ problems.”
“Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”
“Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what.”
“Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you are nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you, and that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then… Then suddenly she’s not your ho no mo’!”
“That’s what she said.”