14 Things Only People Who Are Allergic To Basically Everything Understand
By Johanna Mort
1. Okay, you’re not actually allergic to everything, but it sure feels like it all the time.
2. You hate being the spoilsport with your friends, because you can’t do something thanks to those awesome allergies, so you usually try to suck it up. Oh, I’m allergic to gluten, but yeah, let’s definitely go out to that new pizza restaurant! That would be fun! Fast forward to you nibbling on a disappointing salad while everyone else eats that glorious looking pie.
3. You always have to be that annoying customer asking the waiter if the pasta was made anywhere near mushrooms, on dishes that previously cooked mushrooms, or basically if there’s even the slighted chance that a hint of mushroom could enter your system, because you know, throat closing up and death.
4. And even then, you spend the entire meal feeling paranoid that the waiter was mistaken and this meal is actually going to be your last meal, and it’s not even that good, and is it even worth it to eat this?
5. Being allergic to cats and dogs = actual torture. They’re so cute! And cuddly! They just want to love you and you just want to love them! But are the resulting hives worth it???
6. A lot of times we decide the risk is worth it. We figure, if we’re just careful with how we pet them and then wash our hands immediately afterward, we’ll be fine, right? Right??
7. No, not right. Brb. Hives everywhere.
8. You’re a pro at reading food labels. NICE TRY, SNEAKY NAMES FOR CORN, NOTHING’S GETTING BY YOU.
9. You feel really bad when a friend has a dinner party and completely forgets that you told them you’re lactose intolerant, and you can’t try what looks to be an absolutely delicious homemade cheesecake. But you just can’t, or else you’ll feel like your body is slowly eating you alive from the inside.
10. While everyone else is rejoicing that spring has arrived, you’re falling into a deep sadness because seasonal allergies are about to take over your life.
11. You want to laugh whenever someone grabs a single tissue in the middle of spring and complains that “they think they might have allergies” while casually wiping at their not-bright-red nose. DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW LUCKY YOU ARE.
12. People are always wondering why you’re so sad. You’ll be walking through the park having a mostly good time, but then you’re allergies start reacting to some mystery pollen in the air, and everyone’s concerned about why you’re crying. No, really, I’m fine, it’s just allergies.
13. There are two types of strangers in this world: those that hear you have an allergy and treat you like a sick puppy that could explode at any minute, and those who don’t want to admit it but are definitely doubting that you’re actually allergic to gluten and aren’t just saying that to justify being that gluten-free person.
14. Telling someone you’re allergic to something always opens the door to hearing all about their friend’s friend’s niece’s peanut allergy. Every time.