1. Your day consists of 90% lying in bed thinking about all the stuff you should be doing, and 10% pacing around your apartment trying to convince yourself to go do those things.
2. You briefly considered going on the raw food diet, because you thought it meant you’d never have to cook again.
3. You spend twenty minutes before bed debating if you should just call in sick tomorrow, but then you realize the lie would take more effort than just going in and half-assing everything.
4. You opt out of doing anything physically strenuous because that would require putting in your contacts and that’s just not something on your agenda.
5. Your favorite show just ended and the next thing airing is an infomercial, but the remote’s too far away, so you figure it couldn’t hurt to learn a little about the Bowflex.
6. You get vocally angry when Netflix pauses to see if you’re still watching. YES. GOD. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME LEAVE MY BLANKET COCOON TO UNPAUSE YOU. UGH.
7. You find yourself leaning against the side of the shower more often than you’re standing upright.
8. Lying facedown on your floor is a legitimate activity.
9. Someone texts you to hang out, but your thumbs are too tired to text them back that you’re busy.
10. Your dishes are sorted into “Spaghetti Dirty – Must Clean” and “Only Used To Stir Coffee Dirty – Still Usable.”
11. Sometimes you stare out the window and think about how nice it would be to take a walk, but then, you know, shoes. So you stay inside.
12. The food deliveryman arrives at your apartment and it takes all your motivation for the entire week to get up and answer the door.
13. You kind of miss your friends but you can’t invite them over because the state of your apartment is shameful and you don’t feel like cleaning it, so goodbye friends.
14. Every bathroom run is an emergency because you kept putting it off in favor of ten more minutes with Netflix.
15. You realize you really need to get out and do some exercise, so you lie on your couch and try that horizontal running Rebel Wilson did in Pitch Perfect.
16. You know you should change into different pajamas because these ones are getting ripe, but you’re so comfortable right now.
17. You were going to write 18 points to this list but oh well.