1. We will do a Gollum / Smeagol impression from time to time. Sorry not sorry.
2. If we ever sit down to watch LotR, it will be the extended edition. Theatrical versions are exactly that: for the theaters. Although, if a theater decides to show the extended editions, we will be there so fast, Legolas will be struggling to keep up.
3. Second breakfast is a real meal to us. Some people call it “brunch,” but they’re just wrong. It’s second breakfast.
4. We’re going to quote LotR all the time. All the time. One does not simply walk into the frozen foods aisle without a jacket.
5. Yes, sometimes you’ll walk in and we’ll be cleaning, listening to the LotR soundtrack, and getting a little teary-eyed. It’s just sooo good! And the Shire’s recurring theme makes us homesick for Bag End.
6. Our idea of a perfect date is to stay inside and marathon all three extended editions.
7. As much as we love to stay in and marathon, we also LOVE going on spontaneous adventures.
8. We don’t have just one celebrity crush. We have a whole Fellowship crush (with maybe the exceptions being Gandalf and Gimli, sorry), and if any of them came into our lives, we would drop you like a hot honey-cake. If we tell you that we choose you over the Fellowship, we’re like seriously into you. (Also, Viggo, call me.)
9. Don’t mention The Hobbit trilogy unless you’re prepared for a heated lecture. We either hated them, and we’re going to tell you in detail why the trilogy was so bad, or we liked them, and we’re going to tell you in detail why the trilogy wasn’t nearly as bad as everyone is saying.
10. We might not readily admit it, but it’s secretly on our bucket list to do some LotR role-playing during le sexy time. (Everyone’s tastes are different, but if you can get your hands on some Aragorn and Arwen costumes, you’ll probably score major points.)
11. If we’re ever sad or having a bad day, just put on the extended edition’s bonus features. Nothing cheers us up more than the playful banter of Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Viggo Mortensen, and the rest of the Fellowship cast.
12. If we open a present, and immediately clutch it and growl, “My precious,” it means that you got us exactly what we wanted, and we’re never letting it out of our sight.
13. If we look at you, cling to your arm, and growl, “My precious,” maybe be a little bit concerned.
14. We’re going to classify any one we date as soon as we meet them. Here are a few examples and what that might mean: If we classify you as an elf, you’re gorgeous and a little magical. Hobbit: humble, kind, and stable. Dwarf: loyal, a little stubborn, but with a very good heart. Basically, as long as we don’t say you’re an orc, you’re in the clear.
15. If you ever do anything absolutely horrible that you know we would be furious about, buy us tickets to Hobbiton in New Zealand. We’ll never be angry about anything ever again.