1. Getting a haircut.
We literally need to have blind faith in our stylist, because we won’t be able to see any of what they’re doing to our hair until they’re all done and we can finally put our glasses back on.
2. Swimming in the ocean.
To wear glasses or not to wear glasses? Either I wear my glasses and risk losing them to Poseidon, or I don’t wear them and risk not being able to see the Great White swimming straight for me.
3. People that don’t need glasses wearing them as a fashion statement.
When glasses finally started becoming cool again, glasses-wearers rejoiced, thinking we were finally going to have our time to shine. Then all the fashion forward people decided to steal our thunder. NO. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND OUR PAIN. THESE AREN’T AN ACCESSORY; THEY’RE A NECESSITY.
4. Losing glasses ever.
Yeah, let’s keep laughing at Velma when she’s crawling around on the floor looking for glasses that are just out of reach. But we know that unless our glasses are on our nightstand when we wake up, we’ll spend the next twenty minutes groping around our apartment to find them.
5. Other people trying to see “how blind you are” without them.
It’s really not funny. Don’t hold three fingers up to my face and see if I can see them. Of course I can. Are they blurry? Yes. And if I can’t see what you’re holding up? I’m 100% not going to think it’s a funny joke.
6. 3D movies.
HAHAHAHAHA no I will not see that unless we go to the regular showing. If we went to the 3D, you would have a grand old time, and I would spend two hours holding two pairs of glasses to my face.
7. Rainy days.
We always joke that someone needs to invent windshield wipers for glasses, but actually? Please help. You can’t drive in the rain without them, why do you trust us to walk in the rain just as blind?
8. The weird transition that comes with switching to contacts.
When we put contacts in for the first time in a really long time, everything looks both too close and too far away. Walking down stairs is horrifying because you can’t properly judge how far away that step actually is.
9. Falling asleep with them on.
And I can’t find them when I wake up. Looking for them turns into a glacially slow excavation. Rolling over to get out of bed becomes terrifying because what if I accidentally roll on top of them and break them?
10. The embarrassment of looking for our glasses… while wearing our glasses.
It never hits us that we can actually see while looking for our glasses until we’ve been wandering around for several minutes. Hopefully we didn’t ask for anyone’s help while looking for them.
It fogs up our glasses. All the time. Opening the dishwasher after it’s done running? Fog. Sipping a cup of lukewarm tea? Fog. Walking from the cold outdoors into a warm room? Fooooog. Our warm breath accidentally floats up towards our glasses? Fog fog fog fog fog.
Going to the gym with glasses is the worst. We spend just as much time pushing our glasses back up our face as we do on any given work out.
13. Shaving our legs in the shower.
We think we got everything, but as soon as we get out of the shower and check our handiwork, we see that our legs actually look like zebras. Nice try.
14. Scratches on the lenses.
Have you ever tried driving when there’s a long crack along the windshield? Yeah. If we have an itty-bitty scratch on our lens it feels like that except it’s all day everyday.