1. When the other person cancels plans, you’re pretty okay with it.
When you first started dating, cancelled plans were a huge disappointment. You talked with your friends for days beforehand, daydreaming about what might happen on the date. Will he surprise you with flowers? Are you going to go back to his place? Then he calls and cancels, apologizing over and over, and you accept, even though you’re seriously bummed. Now, he sends a text saying, “Something came up, can’t go to movies. Sry.” You reply, “K,” and are actually kind of excited to have the night to yourself.
2. Little things you used to love are really annoying.
You used to think the lock of hair that kept falling in front of their face was endearing and you loved nothing more than gently brushing it away. Now, every time it falls down, you want to scream, GET A HAIRCUT, YOU HIPPIE.
3. You started watching House of Cards Season 3 without them.
Last year, you wouldn’t dare watch season two without them, but now, you watch with the attitude of a prisoner who’s been sentenced to life in prison. What are they gonna do? Get mad at me?
4. Sex feels more like an obligation.
It’s a lie to mask what’s really happening. Happy couples have sex, so if we’re having sex, then we’re happy, right?
5. You look for reasons to fight.
They’ve been pissing you off all day, but you’re not exactly sure why, so you look for any thing to explain why you’re about to make them sleep on the couch.
6. You’ve started taking a mental tally of things they’ve borrowed and haven’t returned.
I’ve got to make sure I get my Breaking Bad DVDs back from them before we break up, just in case things go south and their apartment turns into a no-fly zone.
7. You can’t listen to “your song” any more.
The song you couldn’t stop listening to when you first started dating has already been buried in the “Reminds Me Of An Ex” graveyard of past music.
8. You dread the actual break up like a chore.
You know it needs to happen; you just don’t want to deal with it right now. It’s like sending your first car to the junkyard. You have so many fond memories attached to it, but it has no hope of ever running properly again.
9. Other people are surprisingly attractive.
It’s not even just strangers walking past you on the street, it’s co-workers that you’ve known for ages. You never really considered them attractive, but now you don’t know, they make glasses look really sexy. It’s like your subconscious is already single and ready to mingle.
10. Your couple friends are starting to get on your nerves.
They’ve been dating just as long as we have, why do they look so happy. UGH can they please stop holding hands in public, save it for the bedroom.
11. You avoid mentioning them to your parents.
Even if they’ve already been to Thanksgiving at your house, you stop mentioning them to any family, so it’s not as much of a shock when the two of you inevitably break it off.
12. You’re already reminiscing about the good times of your relationship.
Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You” plays on loop in your head whenever you think back on the pleasant memories of the relationship. Really, the idea of creating new fond memories doesn’t even cross your mind.
13. Their texts no longer get reread.
You used to scroll through old texts and smile at how cute and sweet those messages were. Now, it’s been so long since a sweet text has been sent that you don’t really want to reread messages from a year ago, because they just make you angry. He hasn’t said he’s missed me since April 5th at 4:35pm. What the hell? But you can’t really get mad at him because you haven’t sent a nice text in just as long.
14. The thought of life without them doesn’t crush you.
The idea of this used to prompt heart palpitations and the beginnings of tears, but now it produces a Grumpy Cat frown and an “Eh.”