1. Your calendar = your life.
If something’s not on your calendar, there’s a 0% chance that you will remember to do it when the day rolls around.
2. You’re constantly paranoid that you’re forgetting something.
Whenever you have to go somewhere, you stand in your doorway for a solid five minutes doing a mental tally. Keys? Check. Phone? Check. Wallet? Check. Wait, keys?
3. The ratio of times you’ve rushed out the door to the number of times you’ve been locked out of your apartment is like 3:2.
Your existence is your local locksmith’s holiday bonus, because, you know, you forgot where you hid the spare key too.
4. The “I came in this room for something, what was it?” game.
Your roommates have made a drinking game of you. Any time you walk into a room, look around with a confused expression, swear, and walk out again, they finish their drinks.
5. Forgetting where you parked is not a joke.
Unless your car is distinct in some way, the chances are good that you will spend an extra ten minutes wandering the aisles clicking the alarm button.
6. You didn’t find 50 First Dates quite as funny as everyone else.
Oh, a girl who forgets everything a day after it happened? Yeah, hilarious. On a completely unrelated side note, does anyone remember if I called the phone company yesterday?
7. You’re always running late.
Not because the event isn’t on your calendar, but because you forgot that you’re bringing the appetizers, or you have to drop the power bill off at the post office, and now you have one hour to do two hours worth of work.
8. Names are your worst nightmare.
When you meet new people, you’re pretty much guaranteed to forget their names as soon as they walk away. It doesn’t matter how many memory tricks you try in an attempt to make it stick in your head. That name will be forgotten.
9. Books with a large cast of characters lead to endless confusion.
Wait. Is this guy her brother or her boyfriend? Was he the one with cancer or the one that just got out of jail? *Flip back to the beginning, start a directory with all names and relations.*
10. Shopping lists need to be checked and then quadruple checked.
Otherwise you’re going to be in the middle of cooking, realize you forgot to pick up that one vital ingredient, and have to go all the way back to the store.
11. Grocery shopping is a giant game of memory.
Are olives in aisle four or five? I think they were next to the soup, which is by the entrance?
12. The greatest betrayal you’ve felt was when the supermarket moved everything around, right after you mastered the floor plan.
That time you caught your girlfriend in bed with someone else doesn’t match up to the treachery you experienced that day. Why are the cookies where the cereal is supposed to be?? Why did you do this to me Trader Joes, why?? I TRUSTED YOU.
13. Mid-season hiatuses on TV mean you’re not going to have any idea what’s going on when the show returns.
If shows didn’t have the two-minute recap before each episode, you would be completely lost.
14. The yearlong waits between Netflix seasons mean you’re just going to have to rewatch the entire previous season a week before the new one is released.
There’s no way you’re going to remember the minute details of Frank Underwood’s climb up the political ladder. Absolutely not.
15. Working anywhere but at your desk is a bad idea.
You’re guaranteed to gather up all your work, get to the new location, set up the new workstation, and then realize you forgot something vital. A pencil. A computer charger. Every time.