Here’s the deal: I am very happy with my life and I don’t want anyone to fuck it up. What I mean is that I would love to be in a forever relationship with someone I’m on the same wavelength as who is fun and caring and interesting but I am not sure this is a person that 1) exists 2) I will meet and 3) will like me back.
I’ve been around a lot of relationships: my parents (I am up to four of them), friends and coworkers. None of them have ever made being in a relationship seem that great. Don’t get me wrong, they love their partners but its just that from the outside you see the drama and the unhappiness and you don’t get to see (what I’m told) are the private moments that make it all worth it. But maybe it’s like having kids where studies show parents are pretty unhappy compared to their non-parent peers and they all tell themselves its worth it because raising a kid is such a meaningful or joyful experience. So basically, you have to lie to yourself to get through parenting and I think I want kids so maybe it totally is worth it–but the studies would tell you otherwise.
My biggest dating deterrent is that a lot of boys aren’t very rational. This is pretty much the opposite of the stereotype but the men in my life (parents, friends, coworkers) are like “that’s the way that it is” when explaining why they don’t want to do something. They don’t want to be rational because that would involve having to explain their feelings, which they aren’t raised to be comfortable doing. I’m real sorry that this is the case but I don’t want people in my life like this. I need to understand things, it’s part of my nature, and if you can’t make an explanation or have a conversation about it that’s an unbearable weight of frustration. Not worth it.
When I think about what would make me really happy in life I picture getting the house on the river I want and having two dogs. That seems like crazy dog lady territory–but is it really that crazy? Men are allowed to be introverts and value their “space” all the time. Why in America where you can do anything is there still only one picture of what the rest of your life is supposed to look like? Is it because that’s really what makes everyone happy? It doesn’t seem like it from the outside. It seems like relationships are a joke, and I’m missing the punchline.