This Is What Talking To You Is Like

You walk through your apartment at night without bothering to turn on the lights. Why should you? You are in familiar territory. But this is the night that you stub your toe on a table, hard. You verbalize to yourself that this jarring, intense pain will subside in sixty seconds. You might even count down to yourself to pass this time more quickly. The next time you get up for a drink in the night, you turn the light on. This is what talking to you feels like.

You go home to visit your parents. It’s relaxing to leave the city and you get a long drive through the suburbs and the country that follows to clear your head. You feel like yourself in your hometown, remembering high school and how simple it was to run around in flip flops kissing boys and singing Bon Jovi songs. You miss this kind of comfort, of feeling at peace with yourself, of knowing who you are and where your roots are. Entering your childhood home, your mom makes a negative comment about your appearance. This is what talking to you feels like.

In your dream you are frustrated. Something awful is happening and you can’t speak. Or, you can speak but everyone is arguing in a foreign language. You want to tell them something simple, the laws of logic or 2+2=4 and they’re debating you in some f-ed up dream logic until you yourself are confused about which way is up. This is what talking to you feels like.

It’s that day in high school when everyone is supposed to show their school spirit by showing up in your team’s colors. You want to be supportive and contribute to a fun environment so you spend time making your outfit. You wear head to toe red and paint cute black stripes on your cheeks. You get to school, and realize that spirit day is next week. This is what talking to you feels like.

You are talking to the dumbest, most annoying person in the world. This is what talking to you feels like.

You worry about your life and whether it’s meaningful, if you’re in the right career, if you should be married by now, if you’ll ever be married, if you’ll ever feel satisfied. You make decisions and people get offended by them. This is your life though, and the decisions aren’t theirs to be offended by. You are moved by their audacity into second guessing the validity of your values. This is what talking to you feels like.

In the future you will understand the things that seem so confusing right now. The perspective of more years and more wisdom and chronological distance will write stories for your brain to understand. You will know that you were good, that you tried your best, made obligatory human errors, and got out while you could. You will clot your wounds with new knowledge and heal them out of sheer will. You will be able to tell yourself that the things that happened in the dark and remain in places that you don’t talk about have made you resilient. You will get up again and take aim at something new. This is what talking to you feels like. TC mark

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image – Shutterstock

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  • Jas

    This is pointless crap.

  • Roni Laytin

    I Love this.

  • Dav

    yawn

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Madeleine-Claire-Hahn/1091370072 Madeleine Claire Hahn

    Solution: Don’t talk to that person.

  • Anonymous

    In order to break this ridiculous chain of people shitting on each other without saying why, I’ll say this.  I wanted to like it, but struggled to understand it.  Give me some basis of who “you” is so that I can attach to it and won’t feel so alienated from the piece.

    Of course, if you wanted it to be alienating and mysterious, leave it in your journal.

  • Guest

    But it’s still better than having no one to talk to.

    • Joe

      if that’s truly what you think, you really need to reconsider your view on relationships.

  • Anonymous

    The first one makes sense, sort of. But everything else seems like nice words put together trying to trigger an emotion, but all I’m feeling is blank.

  • Buggitt007

    I didn’t get it. Except for… nope, I didn’t get it.

  • Joe

    what i don’t understand is how THIS piece gets shit on, while “The Woman” (recently posted as well) gets an outpouring of support and praise. THIS piece makes so much more sense. THIS piece is poignant and relatable. how lucky all the rest of you must be for having only been in perfect, dreamy relationships your entire lives. 

    • Anonymous

      the author described several random complex and unpleasant situations and then said that’s what talking to “you” is like…I don’t relate at all. the piece seems gimmicky to me…like the notebook

      • Joe

        “you” has a 99.9% chance of being someone she once had a close relationship with. have you never been in an “unpleasant situation” before?

  • Aria

    The words you strung together sounded pretty, but…I don’t understand what they’re supposed to mean.

  • Southernvtgal

    It means that whoever “you” is, is a very hard person to talk too, because sometimes it can be so great, then turn against us so quickly when we talk to that person. I understand completely.

    • Rishtopher

      Thanks for the explanation. I feel bad saying that I didn’t really get this, but maybe it’s because I don’t have someone like that in my life right now?

  • viola

    Yes.

  • Anonymous

    I kind of liked this. I think you all are reading too deeply into it. She’s talking to us about her thoughts, her memories, her frustrations, and her hopes. She’s letting it out. She’s giving her thoughts a creative outlet. And after she tells us about a thought, she tells us, “and this is how it feels to talk about it,” essentially.

  • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

    i want to send this to someone as an apology except i want to send it them like they are the writer and i am the you and i don’t know how to do that but… yeah. like it when you write.

  • Sophia

    I don’t know what everyone else is talking about. I LOVED this, and got that sick feeling in my stomach when I related to every single one of the first four or so. You hit the nail on the head.

  • http://www.facebook.com/bevgoh Beverly Goh

    is this what talking to people in their twenties/ourselves in our twenties is like? if yes, then cool piece.

  • Anonymous

    But this is still better than having no one to talk to

  • http://twitter.com/vickstahs Vicky Nguyen

    I was starting to think TC was out of read-worthy articles. I’m glad I was wrong.

  • Chloe

    This is exactly how I feel when I talk to my ex(es). Thank you.

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    Reblogged this on ramblings….

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