A Non-Exhaustive List Of Things That Trigger My Anxiety

  • Radio commercials about people with IRS debt (I have never had IRS debt)
  • Any comment, positive or negative, my mom makes about my appearance
  • Opening the mail
  • Waiting for wellsfargo.com to load
  • When the guy I’m dating texts me
  • When the guy I’m dating doesn’t text me
  • When my boss has unexplained absences from her office (I assume she’s talking to HR about how they are going to fire me)
  • Thinking about my dog’s mortality (F-CK YOU MARLEY AND ME, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU)
  • When I look in the mirror and look worse than I thought I did
  • When I try something on while I’m shopping and look hideous
  • When everything I try on to wear that day look disgusting
  • Looking at my moles
  • Watching medical-themed TV shows
  • Commercials about strange and rare illnesses I may have
  • Coughing
  • Hearing noises when I drive my car
  • Thinking I hear noises when I drive my car
  • Thinking about hearing noises when I drive my car
  • Missing my exit
  • Being late
  • Other people’s passive-aggressive Twitter status updates that may or may not be aimed at me (unlikely aimed at me)
  • People I used to respect relentlessly tweeting about their boyfriends/ perfect life inspiring me to hover over the ‘unfollow’ button
  • Every day I check my bank account except the three following pay day
  • Missing calls from unknown numbers
  • Voicemails
  • When I get a flirty text from an unknown number, because I delete numbers religiously when, if even for a second, I don’t want to talk to someone anymore
  • Damien Rice
  • Global warming
  • Thinking about having to work for a Chinese factory in the future when America dies
  • Dead relatives
  • The things that are probably in my sheets unless I wash them everyday; “body soil”
  • Sad looking senior citizens
  • Top Chef
  • Stephen King novels
  • Internet poetry
  • Learning of people’s occupational successes if they are younger than me/ in a dumber field (i.e. real estate) TC mark

philolzophymacro

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  • guest

    Spot on. 

  • A.

    #2 yes yes yes.

    I am going to make my own list it will probably consist of the same things but be 4x longer

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

    internet poetry

    ding ding

  • Lindsay

    i played this game once, mentally listing everything that gave me anxiety. it’s been going on for about 4 months now

  • Lolo

    missing calls and voicemails. classic.

  • Anonymous

    i had to double-check to make sure i didn’t write this. soooo dead on.

  • http://mason-jar-memories.blogspot.com/ Grace Elizabeth

    I literally feel exactly the same way! Hahah. Oh, and doorbells, no matter where I am >_<

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    I’m always anxious programming a piece of equipment and letting it run for the night, not so much because I don’t trust the equipment, but mainly because I suck at programming electronics…I could never figure out how to get the VCR to begin recording at a certain time, so forget setting different cycles on 2D electrophoresis.  Gah!

  • Masha

    freakishly accurate

  • Joy

    Currently nervously laughing because going down this list triggered my anxiety.

  • Bri

    Oh man. Reading that made me squeamish. Add  “Yellowstone volcano blowing up” and “student loan payments” and you have my life exactly. Ex-act-ly.

  • LDN

    damien rice. lol.

  • Anonymous

    A Brief List Of Things That Trigger MY Anxiety:

    1.  Reading the line below- but then reveling in the fact that my “dumber” occupation has resulted in apparently a level of happiness, confidence and financial stability the author clearly does not possess. 
    “Learning of people’s occupational successes if they are younger than me/ in a dumber field (i.e. real estate)”PS Johanna- “Dumber” isn’t a word. The actual definition of the word cannot be comparative.

    • LILO

      I think the use of the word (or non-word) “dumber” was successful in portraying the absurdity of such a statement. If you’re truly comfortable in your occupation there is no need to get all defensive. Chill man, it’s the internet.

      • Anonymous

        I forgot my xannie this morning :( waaaa

  • Austin

    Top Chef. pure truth.

  • Milkshake924

    Omg body soil I didn’t even think about that. Helppopp

  • just sayin

    this made me lol

    except it’s e.g., not i.e.

  • Guest

    “People I used to respect relentlessly tweeting about their boyfriends/
    perfect life inspiring me to hover over the ‘unfollow’ button.”

    Holy sh*t, yes. Except I don’t hover, I totally hit ‘unfollow’. People who feel the need to brag this much are usually masking some type of insecurity, dissatisfaction, or character flaw. Or are truly just that annoying. Either way, I’m unfollowing you. (Did I really just use that as a verb?)

  • LazyReader

    Salie Mae and Crock Pots (individually, not together…although…..)

  • Inmyfruitcup

     Reading this made me anxious

  • http://twitter.com/SophiiieCooke Sophie Cooke

    Hearing noises when I drive my car
    Thinking I hear noises when I drive my car
    Thinking about hearing noises when I drive my car
    Being late

    SO stressful! I hate my car.

  • http://benditlikebecker.wordpress.com/ Sarah @ Bend it Like Becker

    holy freaking crap I love this.  Will also add: That 6 seconds between when the cashier swipes your card and the “approved” receipt prints.  Also, whirring blenders.

  • Kaitlynclement

    TOP CHEF

  • Adee

    my dog’s mortality, twitter updates and missed calls. oh, i can so relate!

  • Anonymous

    …….WоW……Мy friеnd`s sistеr mакеs 59/hr оn thе intеrnеt.  Shе hаs bееn unеmрlоуеd fоr 11 mоnths but lаst mоnth hеr incоmе wаs  5846$ јust wоrкing оn thе РС fоr а fеw hоurs.  Read about it here ………..    C a s h M a n y . c о m  

  • http://www.nicholeexplainsitall.com EarthToNichole

    Most things on this list, but add:
    -driving
    -being a passenger while someone  else is driving
    -flying
    -the subway
    basically any form of transportation besides ships, trains that are not underground, or walking.

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