A Non-Exhaustive List Of Things That Trigger My Anxiety

  • Radio commercials about people with IRS debt (I have never had IRS debt)
  • Any comment, positive or negative, my mom makes about my appearance
  • Opening the mail
  • Waiting for wellsfargo.com to load
  • When the guy I’m dating texts me
  • When the guy I’m dating doesn’t text me
  • When my boss has unexplained absences from her office (I assume she’s talking to HR about how they are going to fire me)
  • Thinking about my dog’s mortality (F-CK YOU MARLEY AND ME, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU)
  • When I look in the mirror and look worse than I thought I did
  • When I try something on while I’m shopping and look hideous
  • When everything I try on to wear that day look disgusting
  • Looking at my moles
  • Watching medical-themed TV shows
  • Commercials about strange and rare illnesses I may have
  • Coughing
  • Hearing noises when I drive my car
  • Thinking I hear noises when I drive my car
  • Thinking about hearing noises when I drive my car
  • Missing my exit
  • Being late
  • Other people’s passive-aggressive Twitter status updates that may or may not be aimed at me (unlikely aimed at me)
  • People I used to respect relentlessly tweeting about their boyfriends/ perfect life inspiring me to hover over the ‘unfollow’ button
  • Every day I check my bank account except the three following pay day
  • Missing calls from unknown numbers
  • Voicemails
  • When I get a flirty text from an unknown number, because I delete numbers religiously when, if even for a second, I don’t want to talk to someone anymore
  • Damien Rice
  • Global warming
  • Thinking about having to work for a Chinese factory in the future when America dies
  • Dead relatives
  • The things that are probably in my sheets unless I wash them everyday; “body soil”
  • Sad looking senior citizens
  • Top Chef
  • Stephen King novels
  • Internet poetry
  • Learning of people’s occupational successes if they are younger than me/ in a dumber field (i.e. real estate) TC mark

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