7 New Groups Of People Who Need To Check Their Privilege

Existentialists. Just because you figured out the ultimate philosophical truth doesn’t mean that you get to be a dickbag to people who haven’t. Not everybody has a big giant pulsating brain like you and/or endless hours at their part-time Starbucks job to think about the nature of reality.

Europeans. Why you got so much land and such a culturally rich history bro? Sure we got problems here in ‘Murrrica but we’re like bitchy preteens compared to you. Also just cuz you decided to conspire against us with your fancy new money and its symbol that looks like the key to a Tolkein treasure map doesn’t mean I’m stupid because I don’t ‘understand currency.’ That’s why we invented Google. U-S-A.

Marketing majors. Hey cool dude you make a living wage doing the adult equivalent of playing with coloring crayons. Guess what, some of us are chained to a desk sending faxes and making coffee all day long but we don’t complain, so check your privilege and stop Instagramming pictures of you and your coworkers having an ironic Tamagotchi-themed midday happy hour.

Anybody who doesn’t get a hangover. You probably have at least 16 more productive hours a week than the rest of us. You consider yourself normal and us ‘troubled’ but that is marginalizing. Stop bothering me and hand me the Ibuprofen you inevitably have in your desk because your lifestyle allows time for things like ‘Target runs.’

PhD students. Hey, life’s hard, right? You would know, you read about it in a book once! I’d say more about your privilege except the scale is somewhat balanced by the fact that you’ll forever have to narrow your inevitable Match.com candidates by 90% because you literally cannot allow yourself to date someone with less education than yourself. Also you mentally flagged my colloquial misuse of the word “literally.” CYP.

Catholics. You have your own city. There are a ton of really important cities with saint names. It sucks for you that one of them is a gay mecca, but check your privilege! At least in America if you are Catholic you are probably the least persecuted religious group there is. When people have equal rights/food/happiness/etc. then you can re-send your DVDs about abortion and maybe I’ll look at them.

People who know how to spell privilege without looking it up every single time. Seriously how in the eff does it not have a ‘D’ in it?! TC mark

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image – I_Believe_

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  • Meghan

    wow you don’t know anything about anything 

  • bee

    8. “published” writers

  • alyssafirth

    I’m glad you have this forum for your personal rants. Oh wait, no I’m not.  

  • Anonymous

    Awh this is gr8 and such a long time coming. I feel like printing this out and mailing it to every armchair tumblr ~civil rights activist~ evar

  • http://twitter.com/faktorii Mike T.

    no no no you’re not getting away by just tagging THIS IS SATIRE on this

  • Nishant

    Seriously, you DO NOT get to hide behind that “This is satire” tag.

  • Hungover

    Love: “Anybody who doesn’t get a hangover” 

  • Anonymous

    This is another one of those awesome articles where the only people who comment belong in one of the groups mentioned on this short list, and the rage is hilarious.

    You did miss an entire group, however. Its called “White People”

    CYP

    • Nissa Morin

      you read my mind

  • Dewdrop_22

    This is awful. Isn’t satire supposed to be funny?

  • Anonymous

    Can’t say I’m not slightly offended because I happen to fall in more than one category but nevertheless. Loved the other parts especially the first point. Have a friend like that and it drives me crazy

    • Domino

      european marketing major that never gets a hangover ovah heaaaah

  • Jennifer Murray

    I mean, I thought it was a good effort, but if everyone else wants to an asshole… 

  • http://www.facebook.com/tristanrkurtz Tristan Robert Kurtz

    You could probably add “Americans” too. U-S-A. 

  • Anonymous

    Wow.  Yeah…even if this is satire, you still said some rather ignorant stuff.  Plus, it wasn’t funny.  Try harder next time?  Or make a tumblr blog to vent or something.

  • PhD student

    I have to agree, this wasn’t that great–found it mostly difficult to see the humor/point behind the snark. However: “Also you mentally flagged my colloquial misuse of the word “literally.”” –> …yeah, you caught me.

  • guest

    pointless because everyone is an asshole, duh

  • Rachel

    don’t ruin it by calling it satire! people really do need to check their privilege sometimes, myself included 

    anyway, great/hilarious article

    • Rachel

      one more thing: i’m willing to bet that anyone submitting a pissed-off comment is white and middle or upper class, a.k.a. privileged as fuck

  • http://twitter.com/bex0r bex apostoli

    um… you forgot “white people” and “men” .

    you’re welcome.

  • Anonymous

    Why does THIS IS SATIRE get added to everything that isn’t ‘serious’?? That doesn’t make it satire.  Jeez.  

     

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jonathon-Ferrari/100001319787228 Jonathon Ferrari

    My favorite thing to do as a privileged individual is to tell everyone to calm down.

    • Anonymous

      My favorite thing to do as a non privileged person to call other people privileged and discredit what they have to say.

  • Xenell

    Seriously? Catholics are the least persecuted? That is some of the biggest bull I’ve heard in a long time. I may be more privileged than the average American, but not as much as some, but let me tell you I am sure as hell not a privileged Catholic cuz I live in America. 

    • katie

      I was confused by that as well. Maybe 50 years ago but definitelyyy not now. Me being Catholic = generally not a cool thing. There’s some pretty serious Catholic haters in America …but I will agree that people who don’t get hangovers need to seriously check their privilege.

      • Guestropod

        you’re not a marginalized group just because you’re not cool

      • Anonymous

        Catholics are allegedly persecuted, yet SIX (count’em, SIX) of the nine Supreme Court justices are Catholic?
        Could you imagine the uproar if an openly atheist or Muslim judge was appointed to the Supreme Court?

    • Guest

      lol

  • Anonymous

     “having an ironic Tamagotchi-themed midday happy hour.”
    I mean…..what? 

  • Jamie

    I feel like every other article these days throws around the word “satire”. This isn’t satire. It is funny and slightly controversial, but not satire. Also, this article SPECIFICALLY didn’t mention white, heterosexual, upper class males because that’s not funny and the aim was to be funny. These are less thought of form of “privilege”. I laughed even though I fit 2 or 3 categories. Stop being butt hurt, you privileged people. 

    • Anonymous

      I wouldn’t call it satire or funny. There is so much better out there and I love a good snark. Making a Euro-USA joke proves that they are catering to the lowest form of humor, right beside fart jokes and an Adam Sandler movie. 

      • brochek

        Hey, come on now, fart jokes are great! But yea USA-Europe jokes are wearing thing, as is idolizing the entire continent of Europe. No one place is perfect.

  • Anonymous

    I thought this article was pretty funny. But I’ve got to say… It’s gotten to the point where the TC comment sections are the most interesting part to read. Not because the articles are getting worse, but because the people are getting SO angry about 250 word articles.

    Why so serious?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1672472627 Amrita Tapadia

      So true! the comments are really getting more interesting than the articles. And c’mon guyz – easy with pointing out mistakes… remember, this is THOUGHT catalog… take it in your stride 

  • Ali

    This is funny. Fuxdahaters. 

  • Louisa

    I liked this, but as a European I’m not sure what you were trying to argue about that really. Being European isn’t a privilege! I did laugh at the last one though :) 

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