When you got up from the brunch table to use the bathroom and made a joke about how you were never coming back and as I watched you move away I thought about how some day you might get cancer or bad depression that makes you push me away and how I will love you just as much through whatever befalls you.
When you rolled over in the night and put a comforting hand on my back like you often do as though you’re trying to subconsciously show me that you’re there, and your fingers were twitching rhythmically and I wondered if you were playing the piano or typing something in your dreams. I wanted to know which song you were playing or who was receiving your furious email.
When you had a fantastic day at work and told me in earnest you wanted to celebrate by putting on your Wolverine t-shirt because it’s your favorite and I wanted to cry because my god I love you.
When I hurt my eye and saw through blurry vision at my emergency appointment that you were visibly upset and emotional because a big picture of my hurt eye was on the wall and you were both very worried and very mad at me for not taking better care of myself.
When you became my unofficial seeing eye dog and I told you that you could have a night off from caring for me, that I’d be fine, and you said, “But who will help you put in your ointment?”
When I can tell that you have something to say that you’re unsure about vocalizing because you unknowingly start to mouth the words before you make any sound.
When I realized with conviction that if you left me today that you will have left me a better, happier, more complete person than you found me and I could find a way to be okay, and that I’d want you in my life in any capacity even if I couldn’t have you romantically because you’re that important to me, and that I’m probably the luckiest person alive to have just written this sentence.