A good friend recently told me he was done with relationships because they’re too stressful and taxing. His new plan is to sleep with people on an ongoing basis but without formally dating because it will be easier and less dramatic.
As a friend I felt compelled to explain to him how his reasoning was wrong. You will never get anything worthwhile by valuing “easy” over “potential to make me happy.” Bro is a weightlifter, he should understand this. You don’t build muscle if you don’t put resistance on the weights.
I’m not saying you should do something hard for the sake of just doing something hard, but have you ever gotten the warm fuzzies from achieving something easy? Your life isn’t supposed to be a cake walk. Don’t think that walking around like a dumbass taking the path of least resistance is going to make you happy. You’ll pass your time in a moderately enjoyable way if that’s the highest hope you have for happiness.
The reason I know I’ve never dated anyone I should regret not being with anymore is because none of them have ever stood up to me. I mean they’ve been like “I don’t want to date you” or whatever but they’ve all been pretty unchallenging. I think people in general are unchallenging, not because they are stupid, but because they think it’s good to be that way. I really don’t need you to agree with me because it’s fun to have someone agree with you — tell me your real opinion or gtfo.
Think about Bentham’s hedonic calculus for a sec. There are all sorts of variables to consider when deciding if something is going to make you happy:
- Intensity: How strong is the pleasure?
- Duration: How long will the pleasure last?
- Certainty: How sure am I that it will be pleasurable?
- Propinquity: How far away are the benefits?
- Fecundity: How probable is it that this action will beget more pleasure in the future?
- Purity: Is the pleasure brought by this action diminished by also bringing pain?
- Extent: How many people will receive pleasure from this action?
It kind of depresses me to think about someone making a decision just to avoid a lil’ pain without realizing how small-minded and straight up lazy that is. Use your grown up brain and make a real decision that’s based on critical thinking and not just the connotations words like “relationships” and drama” carry.