PRO: Don’t feel as guilty beginning the shot-taking at 8 p.m.
CON: You can’t stare at yourself in the mirror as long as you usually would.
PRO: Can loudly bitch about crazy ex rather than secretly text him back.
CON: It’s harder to sneak away to take a shit.
PRO: Feel less guilty about blasting Britney Spears club remixes.
CON: Can’t take the usual 20 – 60 front-facing iPhone camera pics of yourself as usual.
PRO: Abundance of compliments even if you look terrible.
CON: Can’t speakerphone your mom about an update regarding your aunt’s cancer situation while doing your hair.
PRO: SHOTS, did I already say that?
CON: Feel more embarrassed than usual when your neighbors pound on your ceiling re: Britney Spears volume.
PRO: You get to feel like you’re college again.
CON: You go out looking like shit because your friends weren’t actually going to tell you that you look like an old whore, were they?
PRO: Forced to get on your two feet rather than masturbating and watching reruns of the Real Housewives for four hours.
CON: Even if they did, no outfit change because you brought your whole life in a bag. If you forgot underwear or hairspray you’re pretty much screwed.
PRO: If you’re the host, no excuse but to clean your apartment and hide your embarrassing single stuff (dirty wine glasses, empty Ambien RX container on your nightstand, various anti-acne products strewn across your dresser, etc.)
CON: All your friend has is UV Cake vodka and you puked that last weekend.
CON: You get to feel like you’re college again. Except this time you’ve resolved yourself to giving up anal sex, you had to tuck in your extra ten pounds, and you make up for your brand new wrinkles by putting on more eye makeup (see: old whore).